5: Everyone Should Desire to be Single

I’m sure you read the title of this article and you’re thinking to yourself,


“Are you serious?


Why would anyone desire to be single?”


I know that desiring to be single goes against EVERYTHING we’ve been spoon-fed about relationships and dating throughout our lives, but hear me out.


Marriage and living happily ever after should never be the finish line, end goal or the top of the mountain…


…being SINGLE should!


It doesn’t matter if you’re married, engaged, dating or running free through the world, I firmly believe that you should desire to be single.


Now before you call me crazy, or other unseemly names, allow me to share with you what’s wrong with the way most people think about being single. Then let me share something with you that completely changed my perspective on being single.


To start, single is defined by Merriam-Webster as:


Not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone.


I have come to realize and firmly believe that this is an incomplete definition.


It’s a definition that only looks at one aspect of the word, but consequently, it’s the definition that primarily comes to mind when thinking about the word single.


Even more disturbing is the concept of single that has stemmed from this definition and been embraced by millions, perhaps even billions of people.


I’m confident enough to say that you know someone or have known someone who believes that being single is the same thing as being alone.


Tell me I’m lying…I dare you!


However, I’m not here to harp on what’s wrong with the way you or others may currently perceive being single.


My only objective is to provide you with a new perspective…THE perspective that changed the way I view being single completely.


It was none other than Dr. Myles Munroe who opened my eyes to the complete definition of the word single:


To be separate, unique and whole.


What I love most about this definition is that it focuses on the individual and not just a relationship status.


Your singleness has so much depth to it and should never be constrained by the status of your intimate relationships.


Each of the three components that make up our singleness, as individuals, has significance.


Here is how I personally interpret and define each aspect of my singleness:


Being separate represents my freedom from the influence of others.


Being aware of my uniqueness allows me to truly love myself for who I am and embrace the rare characteristics and qualities that God blessed me with.


Being whole is a reflection of who I am, what I’m doing and what I have to give.


Wholeness, in and of itself, is packed with so much significance!


Who I am indicates my purpose in life.


What I’m doing reflects my vision of the future.


What I have to give signifies my gift the world.


Who would have thought that one little word, that often has a negative connotation, was jam-packed with so much meaning?


I am extremely thankful that Dr. Myles Munroe provided me with such a deep revelation, God then provided me with a personal interpretation and I could then share what I discovered with you.


So, that’s the reasoning behind why I believe everyone should embrace and desire to be single.


What are your thoughts?


How do you define being single?


How do you feel about this new perspective on singleness?


Before you share your answers to those questions in a comment below, please click to tweet and share this article with your Twitter followers or other people you believe may benefit from this newfound perspective on being single.


Want to read Dr. Myles Munroe’s perspective on singleness? It’s in his book Single, Married, Separated and Life After Divorce


If you’re ready to embrace your singleness, I highly recommend that you listen to this outstanding podcast episode that features an insightful discussion on why Single is the New Freedom.






Episode Title: Single is the New Freedom


Guest: JonesieFollow Her on Twitter


Music: All About She – C’est Moi * Tiffany Evans – Thank God U Lied * Rizzo – Flush



“You will never truly be happy if you are hiding who you are.”- Jonesie


“Everyone who’s in your circle is NOT your friend.” – Jonesie


Key Takeaways & Lessons:

  •  The challenge of not letting your ‘representative’ overshadow the true you on dates
  • Don’t misrepresent yourself to impress someone who may just be temporary
  • White lies may work for a moment, but they often lead to a TOWER OF LIES that will come crashing down on you and others
  • How to deal with people who question your singleness and think you should be in a relationship
  • Deciphering if friends are jealous, selfish or trying to live through you vicariously
  • Check your ATTITUDE – It may be turning people off
  • Don’t put your purpose and goals on hold for companionship
  • Women don’t need to be rescued or saved


Experience is the Best Teacher:

  • Single represents freedom to Jonesie because it means NO DRAMA
  • Jonesie has enjoyed being single for 5 years and FREE of drama & games
  • Jay shares his experience of conforming to the crowd
  • The LITTLE WHITE LIE that turned into a 2 year relationship…and Jonesie still didn’t learn French
  • How Jonesie deals with constant questions about marriage and children
  • Jonesie believes First Lady Michelle Obama is a role model to single women


Hold Yourself Accountable:

  • Embrace your singleness and place a strong focus on being and becoming whole.
  • Until you are truly whole you are not ready or properly prepared for a relationship.
  • If you’re in a relationship or marriage, admit that you aren’t whole to yourself, then to your partner and then make a decision to do what it takes to become whole…together.


Apply the Principles:

  • “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matthew 6:33(NKJV)
  • “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11(ESV)


Take Action Now:

  1. LOVE yourself!
  2. Embrace this new perspective on singleness
  3. Evaluate each aspect of your singleness (separate, unique and whole) and determine what voids need to be filled
  4.  Seek God for guidance and begin setting goals
  5. Share this perspective on singleness with other people you know who you believe will positively benefit from it


Call to Action:

  • Leave a comment below and let me know if you believe EVERYONE should desire to be single.
  • If you have any questions about singleness that you want me to address during this month’s ‘Single is the New Freedom’ series please leave a comment below or send me a private message using the contact form.
  • emilyjanegilbert
    May 15, 2014

    “Don’t misrepresent yourself to impress someone who may just be temporary” <— THIS!!!

    I loved this article, as you well know from my email. Being lonely and single are not the same thing- there are plenty of married who are lonely too. Whether being married or not married your relationship with God is typically individualistic, because God desires YOU. Now he may tell a wife and a husband the same response, but he seeks a relationship from all people. Every part of who we are matters to Him, and He longs to to make everyone whole.

    Also I like this "Women don’t need to be rescued or saved" . Women already have a savior provided for them (also women– don't get with men in hopes to change them- you have to accept people for where they are right now- potential is not the same thing as being). People should want marriage for a partnership and for purpose- not for ego and sex.

    Thank you for sharing this article.

    • Jay
      May 15, 2014

      Wow Emily! Amazing comment!

      I really love this => “Potential is not the same thing as being.”

      That is a very powerful statement.

      I couldn’t agree with you more regarding God’s desire to have an individual and unique relationship with each of us. That is so true! He desires to know each of us intimately.

      Once we grasp that…not even the sky is a limit in our life!

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I am so glad that you enjoyed this article. I pray that you enjoyed the podcast too.

      • emilyjanegilbert
        May 16, 2014

        Yes, I did enjoy the podcast too. I’ve been downloading and listening the other ones you’ve done too (however slowly, because my 3 year old keeps interrupting, LOL) Are your podcasts available on iTunes by chance? Then I can listen to them at work :D.

        and real talk though, EVERYONE has potential, but not everyone chooses to reach that, when you choose to date someone you should look at who they are now, not who you THINK they could be.

        • Jay
          May 17, 2014

          LOL! I totally understand that. Yes, the podcast is available on iTunes and the Stitcher Radio app. I can email you the link if you like or you can search for ‘Right to REAL Love’ and it should pop up.

          You are so right! It has to be a person’s CHOICE to live up to their full potential. Also, we have to take people at face value, because we can’t make anyone change. That’s their choice also. Great point Emily!

  • Eesh
    May 16, 2014

    Pretty interesting post. Emily basically said all I had to say but I love Dr. Myles Munroe’s approach to the word single. I definitely have a whole new perspective.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Eesh | The Other Side of Paradise

    • Jay
      May 16, 2014

      Hey Eesh!

      Thank you so much for taking the time out to read the post and listen to the podcast.

      Yes, Dr. Myles Munroe is great at taking things we may view as simple or straightforward and find the depth in them.

      I truly appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thanks for your continued support too!

  • Jay
    May 18, 2014

    Thank you so much for taking the time out to share your thoughts and experiences. I appreciate that more than you know.

    I agree that marriage should not be the treasure at the end of the rainbow.

    There is far more to life than just marriage. In fact, I believe that people can live lives that are more joyous and fulfilling, even if they never get married.

    Personally, I believe that a marriage is only going to be a good as the two people in the marriage.

    If they aren’t both single (separate, whole and unique) then there will likely be more challenges in their marriage than normal.

    Wow! I can’t believe how your parents treated you pre- and post-marriage. It’s as if marriage is the end all and be all of life.

    However, I am thankful that you didn’t allow their perception to hinder you from pursuing what’s best for you.

    Thank you again for taking the time out to read the article, listen to the podcast and share your thoughts. It means a lot!

  • Keitha The Bajan Texan
    May 20, 2014

    Wow amazing article Jay! I have so many ‘single’ friends who can benefit from this article but I as a married woman also benefited. Even though I am married I still am unique and whole! I totally believe in fostering yourself as an individual. Even though I’m married doesn’t make me any less me! I don’t have any less interests are goals. Some of those goals and interests are shared with someone else yes, but some are not. I totally believe that in a good marriage both of you are allowed to be ‘single’ individuals and have alone time where you explore your own separate interests. He might like golf and sport games, I like cooking classes and book clubs. I do my stuff and he does his, I enjoy my ‘single’ time as does he, and it makes for a better marriage with us both being fulfilled. Don’t lose your ‘single’ self because you are married!

    • Jay
      May 20, 2014

      YES! That’s what’s it’s all about Keitha.

      I believe that when a couple is truly ‘single’ they have an amazing amount of balance that makes their relationship and bond even better.

      I truly appreciate you taking the time out to read the article and listen to the podcast.

      It is a blessing to know that it was a benefit to you and I pray that it will be a benefit to everyone that you share it with.

      Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and experiences. They are extremely valuable!

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