29: Embracing the Decision to Wait to Have Sex

Should you wait until marriage to have sex?


That’s a question that is very difficult for many people to answer.


For others, it’s not.


Regardless of what side of the fence you may be on, you owe it to yourself, your Source and your partner to think before answering that question.


If you would like to learn more about why you should give more thought to waiting before having sex or if you’d like to gain a better understanding of why your partner or someone you know has chosen to wait until marriage before having sex, you must listen to the latest podcast episode, ‘Embracing the Decision to Wait to Have Sex’:



If you know someone who can benefit from this, whether they are single or in a relationship, this please share it with them, by pressing ‘click to tweet’ below.


[Tweet “Embracing the Decision to Wait to Have Sex #RTRL”]




Episode Title: Embracing the Decision to Wait to Have Sex


Guests: Courtney Hill * Troy SpryFollow Him on Twitter


Music: Kai Love – Feed Me Energy * Follow Kai Love on Twitter



  • It’s gotten to the point where a healthy sexual relationship is meaningless. It’s not even sacred.” – Courtney Hill


  • “I believe the concept of ‘The Chase’ is dead.” – Courtney Hill


  • “We’ve oversaturated the market with sex and so it’s loss it’s value to some people.” – Troy Spry


  • “There is so much power in valuing sex.” – Troy Spry


  • “There are other options to intimacy, other than sexual intimacy.” – Troy Spry


Key Lessons:

  • The importance of parents raising and teaching their children about sex the RIGHT way
  • When and how to tell your partner you desire to wait before having sex with them
  • The importance of disclosing your intentions and desires before entering into a relationship
  • How to avoid placing yourself or your partner in compromising situations


Hot Topics & Takeaways:

  • The media’s impact on society’s decision to wait before having sex
  • Is the art of ‘The Chase’ and courtship gone?
  • Is deciding to wait before having sex OVERRATED?
  • The differences between relationships with substance and those without it


Dangers & Difficulties

  • The fear of waiting to have sex, because of societal and peer pressures
  • The many obstacles that must be overcome when deciding to wait to have sex
  • The danger of meaningless sex
  • The danger of idle time


Experience is the Best Teacher:

  • Courtney discloses the process that her and her boyfriend went through to develop a friendship before engaging in a sexual relationship
  • Courtney shares how she dealt with pressure from her friends to have sex before she was ready


Hold Yourself Accountable:

The decision and the consequences are yours and yours alone.


Apply the Principles:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6 (ESV)


Take Action Now:

  1. Know why you want to wait to have sex
  2. Prepare yourself for the pressure and temptations
  3. Know your triggers
  4. Stand firm on your convictions
  5. Lean on God daily


Show Some Love:

Please leave me a comment or a private message answering the following question:

Why do you believe some people find it difficult to wait before having sex?


  • singlemomsmile1
    July 29, 2014

    I agree our society is oversexed. You can’t even watch a commercial without sexual innuendos being used in advertisement. There’s a depends panty liner commercial where the women talk about having “SAM in their pants”. SAM stands for the type of materials the product is made out of. Uh Ok…

    My decision to be celibate is not only out of my commitment to God and my faith but also out of commitment to my daughter. I want to be the best example of a woman to her. I can’t tell her to wait on marriage if I’m not. We all know kids do as they see no matter how much we tell them.

    I didnt value sex or marriage at one point in my life. It was not demonstrated in my home. I didn’t know how to create the atmosphere for the chase. Now I’m like chase me brother! Pursue me, woo me and marry me. If you are God’s best I promise I will slow down and let myself get caught. LOL

    I do have a question for Courtney. Congrats on your relationship. Are you and your guy planning to get married? I hope so because it seems like you have an excellent relationship that would be beneficial for other married couples to see.

    Troy, I follow you on twitter and participate in #LTD every week. It’s one of the highlights of my day. Keep up the good work brother. As a woman it’s great to know that real men are willing to share their failures as well as successes with others. Your wife is a beauty and you are blessed.

    • Jay
      July 30, 2014

      I know that’s right! Sex is EVERYWHERE!!!

      I have never seen that commercial before…that’s wild!

      I am so happy that you know why you’re waiting. People don’t understand how important knowing what your convictions are. It makes the journey a lot less bumpy.

      LOL! You are hilarious, but I ain’t mad at cha. *2Pac voice*

      I’m curious, what’s #LTD?

      • singlemomsmile1
        July 30, 2014

        LTD is Lunch Time Discussion with Troy on twitter. It’s on MWF at 12pm Eastern time. It’s a community Q&A session. It gets deep! Lots of opinions but everyone is respectful. You should check it out sometime.

        • Jay
          July 30, 2014

          Nice! I’ll have to check it out. Thanks for letting me know!

    • Troy Spry
      July 30, 2014

      Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this podcast and I am so glad that you enjoyed it and that it helped you. Thanks for being a supporter for Jay, Courtney, and for myself. I am so happy to hear about the growth process you have gone through and how you have learned from your past and allowing it to make you better in your present. Keep growing…”we fall down, but we get up!”

      • Jay
        July 31, 2014

        Hey Troy!

        Thank you so much for taking the time out to swing back and respond to the comments that the R.E.A.L. Lovers left. I truly appreciate that.

        As always, it was a pleasure to work with you! God bless you!

  • Tania
    July 29, 2014

    I’ve been guilty of having sex too soon before truly getting to know a person. I’ve decided that from now on I’m going to really wait and give it time. I want to truly know the person, build a friendship and make sure we connect on an emotional level before becoming intimate.

    • Jay
      July 30, 2014

      Yes! That’s truly the way to do it Tania.

      Following that process will be beneficial both for you and your partner.

      Thank you so much for swinging by, listening to the podcast and sharing your experience. I truly appreciate it and look forward to interacting with you more often.

      God bless you!

    • Troy Spry
      July 30, 2014

      Tania there is so much power in waiting and building something of substance first. Waiting just allows you to better discern and gives you a chance to know the real person and not the sexualized representative. We have all been guilty of mistakes in the past but the key is learning and growing. Thanks for listening!

      • Jay
        July 31, 2014

        That’s REAL TALK Troy!

        Thank you for providing Tania with such encouraging words and insights. I appreciate it.

  • Autumn
    July 30, 2014

    Why don’t I wait to have sex? Well, I do when I’m single. But once in a relationship, I want things to progress. I do like what said Courtney said about developing other types of intimacy. I realize listening to this podcast and others this month, that while I have felt some pressure from guys I’ve dated to have sex, that is only after I have introduced the idea of sex at all. They might have waited longer. I didn’t want to.

    Why? Oxytocin aside, depending on the guy sometimes I see really clearly after sex. The sexual tension, the rose-colored glasses are gone. I can see things about this guy I wouldn’t have seen in six months of waiting. (Well, I wouldn’t really know, though, unless I wait.) Sometimes I want the sexual tension to dial down to a more manageable level.

    I have learned one of my triggers. A guy whom the attraction between us is at the highest level. You would think that would be great . . . but then he doesn’t have to do anything but be alive and be breathing for me to think about sex with him. Just holding hands or looking at him is enough. I found when I dated a guy where the attraction was a little less, I could see more of who he was earlier.

    I like the idea of building intimacy, without sex. It’s hard to know which people are the ones who can be otherwise intimate early on. Definitely a lot of food for thought.

    • Jay
      July 30, 2014

      I’m glad the Courtney mentioned developing other types of intimacy too. That is so important and can lead to a relationship evolving into something even better than it currently may be.

      Yes, there is undoubtedly benefits to building intimacy without sex and before marriage. That’s the way God intended it and that’s how such a union will be truly blessed.

      There’s lots of food for thought. I hope that you enjoy it and what we have in store for August and the upcoming months.

      Thank you so much for all of your continued love and support Autumn. It means so much to me.

  • tbaby
    August 9, 2014

    Excellent discussion Jay, Troy, and Courtney. I wish more people and and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ could hear this podcast. I was just having a discussion the other day with a friend that sex is simply way too PERVASIVE in today’s society. It just is what it is. I am 27 and am a virgin and honestly really have no desire to have sex, maybe because I waited for so long that as long as I can cuddle and get some sweet kisses here and there, I am absolutely fine but its never fine for the guy I am dating to just stop there…therein lies the problem.

    My question is: Why is the message of remaining pure always targeted at WOMEN, how bout the MEN? If more men could step up and say “Hey Jane Doe, I am not having sex with you and I would like if we could grow in other areas..”, alot of women would be SOLD!!!!

    • Jay
      August 11, 2014

      Hey tbaby! How’s it going?

      Thank you so much for taking the time out to swing by and listen to the discussion. I am so glad taht you enjoyed it!

      I agree that sex in our society is very pervasive. It seems like it’s everywhere.

      That’s one of the challenges that come along with being a virgin or celibate. We must be aware of our triggers. We also must be honest and upfront with the people we get involved with, so they know what our limits are. Once they know our limits, they can decide if they want to continue growing with us. It can be tough to deal with, but it’s necessary, in order to stand strong on our convictions.

      I definitely don’t think it’s a message that should just be targeted at women. That may be the case, but it shouldn’t me. God wants both men and women to live in accordance to His Kingdom Principles.

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I hope that you will continue to listen to the podcast and enjoy the content.

      God bless you!

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