184: Transitioning from Single to Married (Part 1)


Transitioning from Single to Married (Part 1) with K.J. and Lady JIn this episode, Jay is joined by K.J. and Lady J and they will address the question: How often do people underestimate the transition of going from being single to being married?




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Episode Title: Transitioning from Single to Married (Part 1)



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  • “Make sure your spouse is happy, because if they are not happy you will have to do a lot more work on the back end to repair things.” – K.J.


  • “It’s okay not to operate in traditional gender roles.” – Lady J


  • “You have to be willing and open to have the hard conversations.” – Lady J


  • “You should never be afraid to talk to your spouse or significant other.” – Lady J


Questions We Address and Answer:

  • How often do people underestimate the transition of going from being single to being married?
  • What are the differences between the transitions people experience in relationships that are not marriages compared to the transition to getting married?
  • When is the ideal time for a couple that is planning to get married to talk about the transition and the changes that will occur after they are married?


Key Lessons and Takeaways:

  • The challenge of managing household roles and duties.
  • The benefit of operating within your strengths rather than gender roles.
  • Why it’s important for couples to discuss marriage and the changes that come along with it before getting married.
  • The importance of being able to talk to your spouse about anything.



  • Lady J admits to not being aware of the transition that would occur when going from being a single woman to being a married woman.
  • K.J. crushes the myth of waking up arm in arm after marriage.
  • Lady J and K.J. open up about the transitions they experienced after getting married.


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  • San
    September 24, 2015

    But what about the whole percentage thing that seems to magically appear when people get married or enter relationships? Is there a such thing as 50/50 or 60/40 or as Tyler Perry put it 80/20? Is there only a certain percentage we are expected to give and take?

    I used to believe one should give their all (keep it 100%) until I saw that there were no boundaries set, which cause confusion and conflict plus became very draining.

    • Jay
      September 24, 2015

      Great question!

      Honestly, I don’t like the percentage perspective on relationships.

      People may think it’s idealistic, but I believe in committing 100% of ourselves, regardless of what the other person is willing to commit.

      We shouldn’t let another person’s commitment level determine our own. The same way we must be truly single people (whole, unique and separate), I believe the same applies when it comes to our level of love and commit to people and in relationships.

      We can’t change or control other people. We can only choose what we will do.

      By no means do I recommend committing to someone who we know is not willing to commit to us or a relationship. However, if a person’s commitment level dips after the relationship or marriage has been established, we shouldn’t allow their dip to impact our commitment to them, the relationship or marriage.

      Like you stated, boundaries are important but I don’t think they should dictate our commitment level either.

      Some may think this is idealistic, but this is what I aim for personally.

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