889: How to Put Yourself First and Learn to Say “NO” (Part 4)


How to Put Yourself First and Learn to Say “NO” (Part 4)In this episode, Jay concludes his discussion with psychologist and author Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell by addressing the question: How do you put yourself first in an unselfish way?





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Episode Title: How to Put Yourself First and Learn to Say “NO” (Part 4)


Guest: Dr. Karin Anderson AbrellFollow Her on Twitter


Check out Dr. Karin’s book, Single is the New Black: Don’t Wear White ‘Til It’s Right


Check out Dr. Karin’s Love & Life Podcast


Question We Address and Answer:

  • How do you put yourself first in an unselfish way?


Key Lessons and Takeaways:

  • How to put yourself first in an unselfish way.
  • The value in putting yourself first.
  • The importance of treating people with kindness.
  • How to say “no” to people and when to say “yes”.
  • Ways to establish healthy boundaries in your life.
  • The value of Christian counseling.



  • “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”John 15:13 (NIV)


  • But Samuel replied:

    “Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
    as much as in obeying the Lord?
    To obey is better than sacrifice,
    and to heed is better than the fat of rams.1 Samuel 15:22 (NIV)


  • He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”
    Psalm 46:10 (NIV)


  • Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.Exodus 20:8-11 (NIV)


  • “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angryEphesians 4:26 (NIV)


  • Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)


  • A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.Luke 6:45 (NIV)


  • We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)


Hold Yourself Accountable:

  • No one can set boundaries for you.


Apply the Kingdom Principle:

  • “Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
    37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.””
    Matthew 22:34-40 (NIV)


Take Action Now:

  • Read the book Boundaries.


Book Recommendations:






Free Resources:

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