675: How to Choose the Right Spouse (Part 2)


How to Choose the Right Spouse (Part 2)In this episode, Jay continues his discussion with relationship specialist Dr. David Banks by addressing the question: What are the most vital qualities to consider when choosing a spouse?





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Episode Title: How to Choose the Right Spouse (Part 2)


Guest: Dr. David Banks Follow Him on Twitter


Question We Address and Answer:

  • What are the most vital qualities to consider when choosing a spouse?


Key Lessons and Takeaways:

  • Why we must know who we are before entering into a relationship.
  • The reason it’s more important to attract the right person instead of looking for them.
  • How to determine whether or not someone has a serious desire to get married.



  • Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[a] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.23 The man said,

    “This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
    she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.”Genesis 2:22-23 (NIV)


  • “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)


  • And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)


  • Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.Romans 12:2 (NIV)


  • If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.James 1:5 (NIV)


Hold Yourself Accountable:

  • Don’t rush the process.


Apply the Kingdom Principle:

  • Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’Luke 14:28-30 (NIV)


Take Action Now:

  • Write down the qualities you want in a spouse (4-6 qualities).
  • Write down the qualities you need to develop to attract the person you want.


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  • Autumn
    April 9, 2017

    I have been thinking about the last few podcasts that I listened to this Palm Sunday 2017. I have one question for Dr. David Banks. If you develop the very qualities that attract the person you want and you have a great relationship with God and are whole, why would you need to even have a mate? Wouldn’t you just be perfectly happy on your own?

    I have been perfectly happy on my own, but so much so that I ignored dating altogether for several years. I’m on a path to be the things that will probably attract the right person, but I think I’ll be so complete and happy on my own I wouldn’t want to rock that boat. I’d just want to stay in my happiness and completeness.

    I’m not sure if that makes sense. But I know myself well, and I think I hesitate on the final steps of completeness because they require a dedication and focus within me that won’t really leave room for anyone else. I will probably still purse those final steps, but knowing me, I might put dating/courting/marriage on the back burner indefinitely. The truth is if I’m really pursuing that sort of growth, I’m doing it for me and for God, not necessarily to attract anyone else.

    I guess is shouldn’t matter. Happy is happy. 🙂 I do wonder your thoughts on this.

    • Jay
      April 11, 2017

      Hey Autumn!

      Thank you so much for listening to the series with Dr. Banks. I truly appreciate it.

      I will be sure to contact Dr. Banks and let him know that you have a question for him.

      Honestly, I think you are in a place where you are truly beginning to embrace your singleness.

      It’s when we are more focused on developing our relationship with Jesus Christ and ourselves that we are truly living fulfilling lives.

      That’s often when the right person is revealed…when we are not focused on trying to find them or trying to be found.

      It sounds like you are in a great place. Stay the course sis!

      May God continue to bless you!

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