How Sex Before Marriage Impacts You!

Are you a virgin or have you already had sex?


Either way, what I am about to share is for you.


Whether we acknowledge it or not, sex before marriage impacts us all!


Knowing that, I was honored when the amazing woman of God and author Sheree asked me to discuss the topic of sex before marriage with her.


The discussion was a part of the 90 Day Celibacy challenge that she is hosting, in conjuction with the content covered within her book, What Are You Bringing to the Table?


It was a truly enlightening and enjoyable discussion.


Don’t just take my word for it though. Check out some of the topics we examined:

  • How to remain celibate in a sex-crazed society
  • The ways sex can cloud our judgment and impact our decision-making
  • Why people “shack up” and do other things reserved for married couples without accepting the consequences of their actions
  • The major impact that soul ties have on our lives and relationships
  • The importance of prayer and fasting along the celibacy journey


This is not a discussion you want to pass up on!


You are sure to learn something or walk away with a few questions to ponder.


It is a joy to share this discussion with you and the fellow R.E.A.L. Lovers.




Enjoy the discussion, please support Sheree, check out her book What Are You Bring to the Table? and feel free to leave a comment below sharing your thoughts and takeaways. Thank you and I look forward to reading your comments!

  • Autumn
    October 28, 2014

    Hi Jay and Sheree! I did listen to a portion of this when you linked to it on Twitter. I have two comments. Just to give another view to the discussion.

    It was interesting to hear again the concept of soul ties. I had never heard a name to it before hearing it on RTRL but as a woman I definitely felt that. Sometimes you have ties to people even if you haven’t slept with them. There are just some people in life you connect with on that level. Or you have a best friend, mentor, co-worker who even after they leave you life, their affect upon you is personal. I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. If you carefully discern who to let into your life. Nearly every person I’ve met has given me gifts or lessons I needed to learn. I don’t think any of them was a waste. I’

    • Jay
      October 28, 2014

      Hey Autumn!

      Thank you so much for taking the time out to listen to the discussion with Sheree and me. I truly appreciate that.

      I agree with you that we can have ties with people who we haven’t even had sex with. That is very true. Sometimes our emotional ties can be just has strong and binding as our physical ones.

      You make a good point that all ties are not bad and that it is important to discerning about the people we allow to enter our lives. I agree with that. The ties can either be beneficial or detrimental. It truly depends on the type of tie it is and the effect that it has on those involved.

      Believe it or not, I tend to agree with you that couples can overcome their sexual hurdles. It may not be easy, but I do believe it’s possible. However, having to deal with those hurdles is on us. By making a decision to rebel against the Word of God, by having sex before being married, we open ourselves up to the consequences that result from our actions. That’s why it is vital for God to be a part of our unions. Otherwise, we can forget about being able to truly and completely overcome the hurdles that may arise in the relationship.

      I like the point you made about shining the light on ourselves first. That is so necessary.

      In regards to your question, if I was speaking to someone who is not on a spiritual path, I would explain to them the benefits that accompany living in accordance to God’s will, purpose and Word. I would also make it clear that, ultimately, the choice is theirs. I wouldn’t force their hand either way. All I could do is share with them the truth, found in the Word of God, and ask them to at least think about giving it a try. Trying is a no lose situation…in my opinion.

      If I found myself in a sexually disatisfying marriage. I would seek God’s guidance. I would talk about it with my wife and we would commit ourselves to doing what would be necessary to improve our marriage and ultimatley grow closer to one another. I know it wouldn’t be easy, but if we both were committed and sought God, I know it’s something we would be able to overcome together.


    • Sheree
      October 28, 2014

      Thank you for listening, Autumn! As both you and Jay mentioned, yes you can have soul ties without having sex with a person. I am a virgin and I have experienced soul ties in a negative connotation. I can say that from a perspective of having hated the fact that I allowed myself to be so connected to someone that I could see right through their game, but failed to stop myself from getting deeper involved. It was a learned lesson, yet some lessons you don’t want to actually have to go through personally (The view can be much better on the outside!).
      I am inclined to believe sex is important to most people and no one wants to “suffer” through incompatibility. By choosing to abstain until marriage, you’re able to focus on so many other aspects and really connect beyond the physical realm. In my book, What Are You Bringing to the Table, I expound on the fact that sex clouds your judgment. It allows you to tolerate people you wouldn’t typically be bothered with if it weren’t for the physical connection. If you’re connecting on an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual level, I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to work on areas wherein you could be sexually compatible. It may not start off perfect, but you have plenty of time to practice (lol!) and learn that physical aspect that was initially withheld.
      There will be plenty of things I don’t know about on my wedding night; however, there is no way an unselfish person in general does not want to learn how to please their mate. Hope that answers your question…

      • Autumn
        October 29, 2014

        Hi Sheree. Thanks for coming back to answer my comments. I agree that soul ties can be positive or negative, depending on who the person you tie yourself to is. I’ve had mostly positive experiences, so I look at it through that lens. It’s a tough situation. You have to be open enough to let a person in, but have to be discerning enough to know if it’s the right person to let in, sex or not.

        I think what we are really discussing is a general lack of patience in the world these days. We want everything right now. In times past, people had a different view and were prepared to work things out. So how do we recover that lost patience? Especially if one isn’t walking with God? I know Jay said to really think about whether to be on a spiritual path or not. But it’s a big world and there are many choices which path to walk. I think one could still learn patience even if one doesn’t have a relationship with God. I would almost say one has to learn patience these days as our impatience is causing so many difficulties.

        So I agree with you that an unselfish lover will definitely try to please. But it is amazing how many people have no patience for that. But I guess it’s a lesson I learned a few weeks ago elsewhere. It’s about surrounding yourself with the right people, people whose standards either are similar to your own or are ones you aspire to.

        Very hard to find those people, though! Thanks again, so much, for replying.

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