249: Does God Really Care About Celibacy?


Does God Really Care About Celibacy? with Tara Gates AndersonIn this episode of the #WhatDoYouThink series, Jay and Tara Gates Anderson pose the question: Does God really care about celibacy?




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Episode Title: Does God Really Care About Celibacy?


Co-host: Tara Gates AndersonFollow Her on Twitter



  • “Honor God in all things that you do.”– Tara Gates Anderson


  • “There are consequences to breaking any law of God.” – Jay Mayo


  • “God doesn’t force celibacy on us.” – Jay Mayo


Questions We Address and Answer:

  • Does God really care about celibacy?
  • Does God have something against sex?


Key Lessons and Takeaways:

  • The importance of glorifying God in our bodies.
  • Why we must live our lives completely for Jesus Christ.
  • Understanding God’s original purpose for sex.
  • The significance of a covenant.
  • How to respond when we slip up on our journey of celibacy.
  • The difference between not being sexually active and truly being celibate.



  • Tara explains why she made the commitment to God to remain celibate until she gets married.
  • Jay admits that he used to be “fake celibate”.



  • Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NKJV)


  • Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (NKJV)



  • But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: 12 For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”” – Matthew 19:11-12 (NKJV)


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  • Desere Fullerton
    December 7, 2015

    Thank you for this topic. It’s been something I’ve been doing and while the physically it’s not so tough, mentally am constantly stuck in prayer. I didn’t realize exactly how powerful our thoughts are. Am talking to this guy he respects my vow but within me is a battle, just the thought of him and my body lights up n then I feel empty, like I disappointed God. One voice is saying do it go get it over with and another is telling me to hold on. I don’t want to shut down my emotions, but how do I cope while I wait for my husband?

    • Jay
      December 8, 2015

      Hey Desere! Thank you so much for taking the time out to listen to this episode with Tara and I. We really appreciate you letting us know what you think too!

      You’re right about our thoughts being powerful. Are thoughts are not joke and can be very difficult to tame. I’m curious, have you ever read the book Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. I highly recommend it to learn more about the importance of us doing battle against satan and his kingdom of darkness in our minds and thoughts.

      Those two voices are definitely at war. We know that one is of the enemy and one is of God. Continue to fight and follow the voice that is of God. Continue holding on and maintain your purity and right standing before God.

      The key is to learn your triggers, how satan prefers to attack you and prepare yourself by reading and meditating on the Word of God, as well as praying. You can do it!

      God bless you and I look forward to interacting with you more.

      • Desere Fullerton
        December 8, 2015

        I will be adding Joyce book to my collection. Most times my triggers are when am feeling lonely and then the voice comes on if I’d sleep with him I won’t be so lonely. Those times I listen to your podcasts again over and over along with TD Jakes. I never expected to get a response from you thank you. I shared your podcast with him as well. God bless.

        • Jay
          December 9, 2015

          Great! I hope that you enjoy the book and find value in it.

          It’s good that you know what your triggers are and really good that you have positive actions planned out for you to take. Those positive actions counteract against those voices and temptations that you experience.

          I’m humbled that the podcast is able to help you and I pray that God continues to allow it to have a positive impact on your life.

          Of course I will respond to you! If you ever have questions or topics you’d like to hear discussed on the podcast, feel free to send me an email using the contact form at: http://righttoreallove.com/contact

          I appreciate you sharing the podcast and I hope that he finds value in it too.

          You can also expect a shout out on an upcoming podcast episode.

          Thank you and God bless you too!

  • Jay
    December 9, 2015

    Hey Zara! Thank you so much for listening. I am so happy to hear that you enjoyed the discussion with Tara.

    Great question! I actually think Tara and I will address this on an upcoming episode to share it with the other R.E.A.L. Lovers too.

    The truth is that the Bible does not specifically mention “self-pleasure” or masturbation. However, the Bible does provide us with principles and teachings in regards to sexual immorality, lust, self-control and purity.

    When we take time to examine the original purpose of sex (whether it is with another person or with ourselves) we learn that God’s purpose is for sex to be experienced within the confines of marriage (between one man and one woman).

    We also must examine the Scriptures that enlighten us about the importance of honoring our bodies and understanding that our bodies do not belong to us, but are the temple of God.

    If you have a moment, take a look at some of the Scriptures shared above.

    Considering those aspects, as well as others that exist in the Word of God, it is best that anyone who desires to truly live their life in accordance to God’s Word and who desires to honor and please God with their body and their actions should refrain from practicing “self-pleasure” or masturbation.

    If you have any additional questions or would like to discuss this or other topics, feel free to email me using the contact form at: http://righttoreallove.com/contact

    I greatly appreciate your question and you taking the time out to share it and your thoughts with us.

    You can definitely expect a shout out on an upcoming episode.

    Thank you for your continued support.

    God bless you!

  • Autumn
    December 14, 2015

    Such good questions! I listened to this one too and am so glad others are responding. Here’s my question. If your thoughts and actions are pure, how does one create the tension in a relationship that makes it different from being just friends? I mean some desire has to be there or why would you want to marry this person?

    I think that in the olden days when people were celibate before marriage, they married early and stayed married. But now a courtship could be for 3-5 years before marriage. I think some attraction should be in place or people won’t want sex by the time they are married. But how keep that alive for years at a time and still remain celibate. Should there even be attraction? I write this question because a lot of the advice here seems to be don’t think about sex, don’t act on sex, no touching. Okay, that will work for celibacy but over time won’t both people just feel like brother and sister or just best friends?

    The other solution is simply to get married. 🙂 But these days those plans need to take a few years at best. I’m curious as to your and Tara’s take on this.

    • Desere Fullerton
      December 15, 2015

      Jay I am curious about the question posed by Autumn. I mean you want to do the right thing and stay pure but at the same time. Its hard, very hard when you’re with the one you love, the build up gets so much that its beginning to boil over to the point where I am snapping at him for no reason. I am at a point where it seems like I have to choose between building a family here on earth or eternal life. It may seem harsh but I am going on 8 years here and it hasn’t been easy.

      • Jay
        December 16, 2015

        Hey Desere! Please see my response to Autumn above. Thanks!

    • Jay
      December 16, 2015

      Hey Autumn! Thank you for listen and sharing your thoughts with us.

      Honestly, it comes down to self control and conviction.

      We all have within us natural sexual desires, but that does not mean we must act on them, especially if we have made living life in accordance to God’s Word a conviction

      Does that mean that it will be easy to remain in a relationship or a courtship, with someone who we are attracted to, solely because we have both chosen to be celibate?

      Not at all. God never promised us that living in accordance to His will, purpose and Word will be easy. However, if we do make a decision to commit ourselves to living in accordance to God’s will, purpose and Word we will be living our lives right and the Holy Spirit will supply us with the strength necessary to remain pure and honor our bodies.

      The truth is that most people are more committed to their feelings, emotions and personal ways of thinking than they are to the Word of God.

      Jesus Himself said in Luke 9:23 (NKJV), “Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.”

      We must be willing to deny our flesh and our unrenewed minds daily. We must take up our cross daily. We must choose to follow God daily.

      Living our lives in accordance to God’s Word, including choosing a life of celibacy, is not a one time act. It is a daily and ongoing journey.

      Each day we must seek God, deny ourselves, take up our cross and like Paul stated in 1 Corinthians 15:31 (NKJV), “I die daily.” We must be willing to die daily too, if we truly want to live as God has called us to live.

      Ultimately, the choice is ours.

      If we choose God, we can trust, believe and have faith that He will never forsake us and be with us each step of the way. No matter how tough things may become or what desires may rise up within us, including sexual desires, he will provide us with strength and a way to escape the temptations we encounter.

      As it states, in 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NKJV), “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are
      able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

      Therefore, it boils down to whether or not we have made living according to God’s Word a conviction in our life and if we are willing to exercise self-control, with the assistance of the Holy Spirit, to deny our sexual desires until we are married.

      That is a choice we each must make for ourselves.

      • Autumn
        December 17, 2015

        Hi Jay! Thanks so much for this lengthy response. 🙂 I think that my question was misunderstood a bit. I have never had a problem remaining celibate once my mind was made up. (Sometimes my mind isn’t made up, but that’s a separate issue. ;-)) Even without God’s help, I didn’t have an issue with it. My mind rules my body and that’s it.

        My question wasn’t about how to escape temptations, it was how to keep attraction alive and healthy while celibate. I think that spark is necessary to every good relationship, but when I’m in a celibate one (heck, even a non-celibate one) it’s very hard to keep that spark alive.

        No one wants to end up in a marriage where the sparks are long dead. But in a celibate relationship, it seems more of a challenge to keep sparks alive. It sometimes feels like there is a choice between attraction and sex or no sex and attraction that fades.

        Now, I know God wants the best for us. And I don’t think if one follows His instructions and voice that that could ever steer you wrong or lead to the wrong relationship. I believe it would all work out okay in the end. But in the beginning it is a quandary. No problem on my end with celibacy, but a Im curious what Christians do in celibate relationships to keep the polarity and sparks between the two people alive even if they aren’t having sex.

        • Jay
          December 17, 2015

          You’re right, I did misunderstand your question.

          Honestly, I think we must ask ourselves: Why kind of sparks are we trying to keep alive?

          If we are trying to keep sparks flying in a relationship, in regards to physical and sexual attraction, that will likely cause challenges, especially in a relationship where two people want to remain celibate.

          By no means am I advocating that people turn off their feelings, but I believe it’s important to filter and control them.

          Being concerned about certain sparks fading or even dying, because of making a commitment to living according to God’s will and purpose, is fear in disguise.

          I honestly believe that is a trick of the enemy. He is trying to make a person focus more on fear rather than faith.

          If we commit to entering a relationship that is based on Godly principles, death in any regard is the last thing the couple should be worried about.

          The same way that God enables us to control our natural desires, He can enable us to unleash them when we are under the covenant of marriage.

          I’ve honestly never thought about or been concerned about physical or sexual attraction fading, because I’m celibate. I’ve been more focused on exercising self control and being fully committed to living in a manner that is pleasing to God.

          Also, I’ve never been in a relationship where the source of the ‘sparks’ was sex. In my experience, there have always been ‘sparks’, especially in relationships where there was no sex involved. In fact, those have been the relationships where I’ve felt the most ‘sparks’ flying.

          It was being in her presence, sharing unique experiences, laughing a lot, reading and talking about God’s Word and other interests that keep things alive, thriving and so much fun!

          I honestly have never been in a relationship where ‘sparks’ was something I was concerned with. Now that I’ve been made aware of that, I must thank God for that. Sometimes we don’t realize what things He shields us from or does not allow us to experience. I’m thankful to God that I’ve never experienced it.

          With that being said, my honest answer to your question is I don’t know.

          I know that God has the answer to your question. Seek Him and ask Him to reveal the answer to you. I know He is more than willing to do so, if you seek and ask Him.

          • Autumn
            December 19, 2015

            Wow, Jay. Thanks for such an answer! The comments has been as illuminating a discussion as the podcast itself. I am definitely asking God for answers, just never considered discussing something so seemingly small with Him. But I guess no issue is too small to discuss with God.
            It sounded so lovely all the things you described about being in a woman’s presence. I have certainly felt that way about men but for some that was merely just being their friend and for others it was more. For me the difference really is physical attraction (though not *only* physical attraction) which is why I wondered about it.
            I think there is a state of celibacy where such things no longer matter. When you find your peace with it. I wish everyone the best on their individual journeys.

          • Jay
            December 22, 2015

            Yes, we’ve had a great discussion here in the comments!

            I know what you mean about feeling like there are some things that are two small to take to God. I’m still learning that’s not the case.

            I totally agree that having peace is the key. That’s the main thing I seek in any relationship I develop.

            Thank you and God bless you with your journey too!

  • Tasha Mac
    December 17, 2015

    I saw this topic and I was like Wow! I’ve got to listen to this discussion. With so many so-called Christians NOT practicing celibacy when they’re unmarried, this is a discussion that is truly needed. If a person is not careful, Christians will have you believing that celibacy is an out-dated biblical commandment. But, not so. God still commands holiness.

    • Jay
      December 17, 2015

      Hey Tasha Mac! Thank you so much for listening and stopping by to share your thoughts with us!

      You are right, this is a topic that needs to be discussed and it’s amazing how many Christians do not have a desire to live a truly committed and celibate life.

      It’s something that must be taught more, so that more people can know and understand the true benefits of celibacy and how it improves are relationship and connection with God.

      Like you stated, God commands holiness and righteous living from us. There is no doubt about that.

      Thank you and God bless you!

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