16: How to Avoid Introducing Your Child to Someone You’re Dating Too Soon

The top priority of a single parent is their child.


Therefore, granting someone access to their child is a major decision.


It is truly one that must not be rushed or taken lightly.


If you would like to find out how you can avoid rushing the introduction of your child to someone you’re dating, you need to listen to the latest podcast episode, ‘How to Avoid Introducing Your Child to Someone You’re Dating Too Soon’:



If you know someone who can benefit from this, whether they are a single parent or not, please share it with them, by pressing ‘click to tweet’ below.


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Episode Title: How to Avoid Introducing Your Child to Someone You’re Dating Too Soon


Guests: JessicaCheck Her Out on Goddess IntellectFollow Her on Twitter *

D. WrightFollow Him on Twitter


Music: Ryan Hemsworth ft. Tinashe – One For Me * Tamia – Beautiful Surprise



  • “Some people say ‘If we do it twice, we go together.’ No you don’t, y’all just sleep together!” – D. Wright


  • “You must trust that the person you decided to have children with is smart enough not to have predators around your children.” – D. Wright


  • “A person who is pushing pass your level of comfort, is someone you may want to reconsider being in a relationship with.” – D. Wright


  • “There are no shortcuts. You gotta do the work!” – Jessica


  • “Don’t bad mouth your ex to your new boo.” – D. Wright


  • “If you can trust a person enough to lay down and have a baby with them, then you should be able to trust them enough to know that they won’t put your child in harms way.” – D. Wright


  • “When you let them meet your children you’re revealing your treasure. The most special part of you.” – Jessica


  • “Don’t rush into a relationship just because you don’t want to be by yourself.” – Jessica


Key Lessons:

  • How to determine the RIGHT time to introduce your child to someone you’re dating
  • The reason why exclusivity MUST come before child introductions
  • The effects that your break ups have on your child
  • The importance of making a clean break from an ex when you’re a single parent


Hot Topics & Takeaways:

  •  Jessica breaks down the different levels of commitment
  • The challenges that accompany co-parenting
  • Reasons you should be cautious about the things you share about your ex with your new partner
  • Things you can do if your child dislikes or doesn’t get a long with the person you’re dating


Dangers & Difficulties:

  • The reason you should avoid a revolving door of “uncles” and “aunties” coming in and out of your child’s life
  •  The dangers of introducing your child to the wrong person
  •  The dangers of “Microwave Relationships”


Experience is the Best Teacher:

  • Jessica shares how she dealt with boundaries that were crossed by women who were involved with her ex, while her daughter was in their care
  • Jessica speaks on her experience of being in a blended family


Fun Times & Stories:

  • Jessica tells about the time her daughter came home with her hair messed up because her ex decided to style it the way he wanted to


Hold Yourself Accountable:

Your child’s safety must come first and foremost.


You dictate and control who has access to your child. Therefore, you must exercise it wisely.


Apply the Principles:

“Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” John 7:24(NKJV)


Take Action Now:

  1. Seek God and pray for wisdom and the ability to discern who should be granted access to your child
  2. Discuss children and truly gain an understanding of how that person feels about children
  3.  Ask the hard questions and don’t be afraid to deny the person access to your child if you know it’s too soon for them to meet them


Show Some Love:

Please leave me a comment or a private message answering the following question:

 Does the person you’re dating have to be in love with your child?

  • Destiny's Truth
    June 16, 2014

    This was a GREAT podcast! I enjoyed it so much and it took me back to my child rearing days. Jessica and D.Wright truly shared their experiences openly and honestly. I pray that every single- parent dating will have an opportunity to listen and learn from this profound knowledge shared.

    • Jay
      June 16, 2014

      WOW! Thank you so much for the amazing comment Destiny. I appreciate that more than you know.

      I am so glad that you enjoyed the discussion with Jessica and D. Wright. It’s really cool that it sent you on a trip down memory lane. I pray that it was a positive experience.

      I’m praying that this discussion will be beneficial to single parents and everyone who listens to it too.

      Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and feedback.

      I’m curious, what’s your answer to the question: Does the person you’re dating have to be in love with your child?

  • James J
    June 16, 2014

    This was a great discussion! Although I don’t have any children, I can definitely pull a lot of useful information from this!

    As far as the question you asked at the end, if I was in that situation, I would want my partner to be in love with my child, especially if that child is younger. I know that sometimes, the child makes it difficult for that to happen, but I think with time it can be worked through. Thinking back to my experiences as a child, I know that it made my mother happy to know that my step father loved me like one of his sons, and reassured her that he would protect me like one of his own, even though my father was present in my life.

    • Jay
      June 16, 2014

      Smart man! That’s the same thing I was thinking James. I was like, I may not have any kids, but this information will be extremely valuable when that day comes. I’m so glad you found it beneficial too!

      You make an excellent point. If a child is younger, with time, that love should develop. That’s amazing that your step father treated you like his own son. That says a lot about his character. Thank you for sharing your experience James.

  • singlemomsmile1
    June 17, 2014

    I’m going to give the condensed version of my email response. I would like to say awesome job as usual. Keep it coming because I’m officially hooked. I am a single parent and dating used to frighten me. Outside of her father I’ve only had 2 experiences with relationships since she was born 7 yrs ago. Abuse was very much a part of my childhood and I am skeptical about who I bring around.

    Because I was trapped in fear I stayed with my daughter’s dad well past the expiration date. This was not a wise idea either because that relationship proved to be just as harmful as if I would have met some random dude at the grocery store.

    Parents please take your time. I’ve been blessed to not have any predators in my daughter’s life. I ask God regularly please do not test my faith by allowing someone to harm my child. There is no fire. No need to rush. Take time to get to know someone and everyone connected to them. If you and the other parent are done then let it be done. Don’t ping pong in out each others lives. Only the kids get hurt and confused.

    Jessica and D. Wright were spot on with everything they said. I may be a bit biased but this is the best podcast by far. God bless each of you for willing to be transparent and honest about your parenting.


    • Jay
      June 17, 2014

      You’re right Ariel. Parents definitely must take their time and place their children first when it comes to dating.

      I totally welcome you bias and I’m so glad that you enjoyed this discussion as much as you did. That is truly a blessing!

  • singlemomsmile1
    June 17, 2014

    One more thing. It is important for my future mate to love my child as if she were his because that’s the way I will try to love their child should he come with any. I had a step mom an she did not accept me. She would tell my siblings I wasn’t really their sister because we had different moms. Anyone who promotes that type of garbage is not for me nor my child.


    • Jay
      June 17, 2014

      Wow! I can’t believe she treated you that way.

      Some adults are so immature and childish. A child should never be punished or mistreated because of a problem or issue that an adult has.

      • singlemomsmile1
        June 17, 2014

        So true…

  • emilyjanegilbert
    June 18, 2014

    I enjoyed this pod cast since I too am a single mom. You’ve read my emails dealing with my sons father and the OTHER baby mama. I won’t rehash ALL that.

    As far as myself and dating – it just doesn’t happen. I had a 6 month relationship right after baby daddy left me and my son was born, but he was never alone with my child and he was a father himself. I’ve gone on dates here and there, but no relationships and no sex (my kid doesn’t need to see mom acting a like a ho). For one thing I really don’t trust my judgment as far as men goes (hello- it’s why I’m a single mom) and I don’t think it’s fair to my 3 year old to have to share mommy, at least not while he’s this young, but that’s my own hang ups. As far as ever getting married, I’m not sure it’s something I even want, or if I do I may just wait until Dominic is an adult. I think the hard part about being a mother before being a wife is that the child is always priority and I will never love anyone more then my son- which I think would cause some issues in a relationship. In my mind God gave me the responsibility to be the best mother I can be and to protect him and adding a guy to the mix at this point and time would be dividing my attention that’s supposed to be all for my son.

    • Jay
      June 18, 2014

      Hey Emily!!!!

      You make a very valid point and I’m sure there are a lot of other single mothers who feel the same way that you do.

      There’s nothing at all wrong with make the child the top priority.

      In fact, I think it may be a tad bit easier for single parents, such as yourself, who have made a decision not to get involved with anyone seriously until the child is a certain age.

      Single parents who want to be both parents and “lovers” have more to juggle and balance, in my opinion.

      What do you think? Do you find it easier to simply focus solely on your son?

      • emilyjanegilbert
        June 18, 2014

        Short answer: YES!

        Some single mothers carry on about feeling lonely and this and that, but I honestly don’t have the time to sit there and dwell on it. Do I have my moments.. sure, but they are far and few between. Even when my son is with his father I have a ton of other things to catch up on.

        With my son being 3 I would (and have) had a hard time switching off from “mommy mode” to being someones romantic partner. For one thing I’m exhausted, and relationships require you to pay attention and ego stroke to a certain degree and meet other needs…, I personally don’t have it in me. (I think even married people with kids struggle with this to an extent when their children are young). By the end of the day I don’t want to worry about how a grown person is feeling – I just want to collapse into bed.

        • Jay
          June 18, 2014

          I hear that Emily!!!

          I absolutely love your honesty. You always give it straight…no chaser. lol

          I can only imagine how much it is to manage your ‘lil man’, let alone having to manage a ‘grown man’.

          That totally makes sense to me.

        • singlemomsmile1
          June 19, 2014

          Yo Emily! I know what you mean about not having the energy at the end of the day to tend to someone else’s emotions as a mom. My daughter is 7 and sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a hormonal teen. After she goes to bed at night I just want silence sometimes. I too feel like I will probably end up getting married after she goes away to college or something. But then again she verbalizes a desire to have a “new dad”. I don’t even worry about it. All things will work out the way they are supposed to.

          Right now I’m in a selfish mode. I’m enjoying myself and life on my terms. I’m really not ready to share me with anyone. I also know there are a few kinks I need to work out with my daughter. She is still adjusting to the idea that her dad and I are no longer together. To parade a man in front of her right now would make her feel like she losing me.

          I can’t live my life totally for her. To me that’s not healthy. However, I have to take her feelings and what she is dealing with into consideration.

          • emilyjanegilbert
            July 3, 2014

            AMEN on the silence part, lol. I think being selfish right now is probably the best thing. Gives you time to really think about what you want, especially if it’s a recent development. I’m sorry your daughter might be having a hard time adjusting. My son never saw me and his dad together, although I’m sure the questions will start pouring in the next few years.

            How do you balance that? I am so completely out of balance with my son. Like I feel guilty if I ask my parents to watch him so I can go do something fun by myself or with a friend (they told me I can ask I just don’t). I feel like I have to be engaged with him constantly, but almost feeling like I’m going to fly off the handle some days if I have to keep him entertained for one more second instead of him entertaining himself. He’s 3 so I know it’s tough at the toddler stage. Like I tell him he needs to go play by himself so I can get this or that done and he just cries and gets his feelings hurt, and then I feel bad about.

          • singlemomsmile1
            July 3, 2014

            Girl the toddler stages are rough. It was only God that got me through mine. I was living in a town where I had no family and didnt know anyone but co-workers when my child was that age and I had the worst case of Graves Disease back then. My family was and is still somewhat dysfunctional so I couldn’t lean in anyone. I was in the wilderness alone. BUT GOD!

            If you have family you can trust and are willing to help please take them up on it. Your son is only as well as you are mama. If you are burned out he will not have the very best of you and you will grow to resent being a mom. I went through that during her toddler years. It wasnt until when I moved back to Florida 8 mths ago I was able to have a bit of a life again. My child is 7! So my life was somewhat on hold all this time. It was lonely at times. I took her everywhere with me. I made friends wih my church and joined connection groups. The ladies became sisters and welcomed Sienna with open arms. They were there if I needed them.

            Now that I’m back near her dad. He promised he would help but he started flaking off acting like we still lived 8 hrs away. She doesn’t want anything to do with him b/c he has emotionally abandoned her. He has his own slew of issues he doesn’t want to work on. So I don’t make her go see him and he doesn’t make the effort to see her. What can I do? I just pray and do my best. So there goes my reliable babysitter. My life is somewhat on hold again. My BFF helps out when she can but Sienna is not her kid. Plus she doesn’t have kids anyway so why tie her down with mine.

            As much as I love my child I don’t wish this on anyone especially the kids. They deserve so much more. To answer your question how do I balance it all. I don’t. I let God do it. Check out my blog http://www.singlemomsmile.blogspot.com I think it may help you. Hit me up anytime on twitter @singlemomsmile1 or via email singlemomsmile2014@gmail.com. We can raise these kids together honey!

          • singlemomsmile1
            July 3, 2014

            One more thing. Teach him it’s ok to be alone. I didnt do that early on and it took a long time to undo her codependent nature. It’s getting better but we still have a ways to go. Lord knows I can’t have my baby latching on to some loser jerk out of fear of being alone. History will not repeat itself in my home in the name of Jesus.

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