15: How Men Feel About Being Rushed Into Relationships

No one dislikes being rushed into relationships more than men.


That is a FACT!


I know many women believe it all boils down to a man’s fear of commitment, but it flows much deeper than that.


You don’t have to take my word for it though.


Just listen to the latest episode of the MenChat series, ‘How Men Feel About Being Rushed Into Relationships’, and you will discover the TRUTH!



If you know someone who will enjoy listening to this or who can benefit from it please share it with them, by pressing ‘click to tweet’ below.


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Episode Title: How Men Feel About Being Rushed Into Relationships


The Men:



  • “Rushing isn’t a good thing. The first thing love is is patient.” – Caleb


  • “A sexual relationship and a committed relationship are NOT one in the same.” – Derik


  • “There is nothing scarier than having a woman who is overly determined to get you to be something that you do not want to be.” – Derik


  • “I want to make sure you are the person I am most compatible with because I don’t want to get married more than once.” – Derik


  • “To me, marriage is a beautiful thing. I don’t see anything wrong with it, so it shouldn’t be treated as something ugly or poisonous.” – Jason


  • “Don’t just let a dude have fun with you and not be committed some sort of way.” – Caleb


  • “If you try to give me an ultimatum, I’m going to sit back even longer than you want me to. Just to see what you do about it.” – Derik


  • “If you feel like you have to give me an ultimatum to get me to do what you want me to do, then we’re through.” – Derik


  • “You are not above me. You are not executive level. You can’t give me the ‘You have 3 days to make this decision’ Nah, I’ll make it in one…GET OUT!” – Derik


  • “If y’all been together 7,8 or 9 years and she’s asking you to propose, you know what, YOU OWE HER THAT!” – Jason


  • “If I’m dealing with a woman who can’t express what she feels and can’t really deal with logic, then we’re probably on a countdown to things not working.” – Jason


I Can’t Believe He Said That:

My mama don’t tell me what to do! I’ve never been one for an ultimatum. I like to call myself a werewolf because I’m a GROWN MAN DAWG!Derik


Show Some Love:

Please leave a comment or a private message answering Autumn’s question:

Could a man fall in love with someone he’s never had sex with?

  • emilyjanegilbert
    June 13, 2014

    It’s funny that you discussed this. I’m discussing it on my blog next week, but recently I was talking to a guy and he kept trying to rush ME into being his girl friend. The worst part is I typically attract men like this. I’m all like “you don’t even know me why the F are you trying to be my man”. I genuinely don’t understand why anyone male or female likes to rush these things.

    As far as men who like to create a relationship out of thin air… I don’t get it? Is it a control issue? an ego issue? self esteem issue?

    • Jay
      June 13, 2014

      Wow! What a coincidence. I look forward to reading what you share on your blog next week. I know it will be great!

      I’m with you Emily. I don’t fully understand some people’s reason for rushing either. To be honest, there are so many possible reasons why someone may be trying to rush things.

      Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and experience! I appreciate that.

  • singlemomsmile1
    June 13, 2014

    You and your guests on podcast 15 have garnered a new level of respect from me. The discussion was breathtaking as well as captivating. There is nothing more appealing to me than honesty. I know you are wondering “What type of people has she been dealing with?” Lets just say I have encountered a lot of dishonest people in my past because I was not being honest with myself. We attract (friends and significant others) what we are. Now that I am living a more authentic life The Lord has blessed me with an over abundance of sincere people such as yourself and my fellow R.E.A.L lovers.
    Now on to my two cents. As I listened to podcast 15 scenes of my former dating life flashed across my mind. I felt an array of emotions from joy, sadness, and even embarrassment. I could have been the poster child for rushing into relationships. Why? I was trying to fill a void and it was a void that only God was able to fill. Like your guest (please forgive me I am bad with names) gave the example of a woman who rushes things because she lives in a city alone and has no family near by. Well, I was that woman. You all even talked about the woman who stays in a situation knowing she desires marriage but the other party doesn’t. Yep you guessed it. I was that woman for 8 years on and off again with my daughter’s father. Just for good measure I can’t forget to tell you how I was that woman who met and married a man in 30 days! We were both moving at the same speed. I didn’t rush him nor did he rush me. We were just two ‘fools rushing in’ as Elvis would say. I don’t have time to get into that. However, I said then and I say now that that experience was from God because I am who I am because of it. To be completely transparent I was nervous sharing that with you but I can’t be ashamed of my testimony. Who better to help others than someone who has been there and done THAT. I’ve done a lot in 36 years. Now that I am a true single person I understand that there is no rush and a relationship is to be savored and enjoyed, not devoured in a cut and swallow heated rush.
    Sorry this is so long. I would like to briefly speak on giving ultimatums. I don’t like them. I personally could never give a guy one such as “marry me or else…” Because now that I am a woman of integrity in my love life I would have to act on the ‘or else’ part and I wouldn’t want to have to endure that nor put him through it. Also who wants a man to marry them because he felt his back was against the wall?! Not me I would not feel secure in the situation. For me, going into my next relationship I will be sure to steer clear of anyone who is not like minded when it comes to marriage even if he is giving false signals. The only time you can change a person is when they are wearing diapers. There will not be any hanging in there until he comes around either. My old pastor said to do 4 seasons with a person. A person can’t hide who they really are for a year. So I’m pretty sure after that time period a brother will know if I’m the lady for him. And if he isn’t ready for marriage after a year then that’s cool just communicate why. Are you trying to get your finances in order, make a career move, etc. I can and will appreciate honesty.
    And last but not least Jay. Yes I could fall in love with a man I have never had sex with. In fact that is my soul’s desire. I want what I have never had, an open honest love that is built on the love of God with mutual trust and respect. Take care Jay. Sorry so long winded but you know how we R.E.A.L lovers do.


    • Jay
      June 13, 2014

      AMAZING comment Ariel!!!!

      Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your thoughts, experiences and testimony!

      I can’t begin to explain how thankful I am for you doing that.

      God Bless You!

      • singlemomsmile1
        June 13, 2014

        Thank you Jay and you are most welcome. I want my life to be a sermon for others. Not everybody goes to church, believes in The Lord, or are Bible readers. Therefore my life may be the only sermon they hear. I thank The Most High God for you and our R.E.A.L lovers community.

        • Jay
          June 13, 2014

          That is so TRUE!!! God has a way of using each of us, if we are obedient and willing to allow Him to.

  • Autumn
    June 14, 2014

    Long men chat! That was great. I especially like what one man said about dealing with people with honor.

    answer my own question, yes, I could fall in love with a man I’ve never
    had sex with. But I do think intimate relations begin way before the
    physical act itself. That sort of non-physical intimacy would have to
    occur before I could really love someone. Not everyone is open to emotional intimacy but it’s a necessity for me.

    I’m curious as to what others have to say!

    • Jay
      June 14, 2014

      I know, right?!

      The men I’ve been recording with lately have really taken time to elaborate on their answers and dive deeper into the questions. It makes for a longer show, but I love it because it’s packed full of more content and things that other men and women may not have known.

      I am so glad that you enjoyed it!

      I’m right there with you Autumn. I believe there has to be an established non-physical connection there that is strong before I even consider getting physically involved with a woman. I also agree that emotional intimacy is a must.

      I’m curious to know what more people think too. Lordwilling will receive some more answers soon.

      Thanks a lot for taking the time out to listen, as well as share your thoughts and answer!

  • Willie Stylez
    June 16, 2014

    To answer Autumn’s question, as I listen to the podcast…do I believe a man, in 2014, can fall in love with a woman he’s never had sex with!? OF COURSE! I mean, it’s not like men have been rewired between 1950’s-60’s to now, we just have different goals, different attractions, different scenarios that impact our life, livelihood and outlook! I think if a woman truly appeals to your attractions, to your requirements and to complements everything you are as a person, I feel like that will over-rule any issues a man may have with the lack of sex int he relationship. Sex is impactful, important, serious and relationship-changing…but it’s not the be-all, end-all, for all men and how they choose their mate. I mean, besides the people who voluntarily commit to celibacy, there are people who get into a relationship all the time, and become celibate for the sole reason of growing a committed relationship with someone who may not want sex until marriage. I think the real question is, does falling in love immediately after sex mean the relationship is tainted? Does the joy of sex skew the joy of being in a relationship with that person!? Can we fall in love in 2014, sex-free…Yes We Can!

    • Jay
      June 16, 2014

      Great answer Willie!

      I truly appreciate you listening to the podcast and sharing your answer to Autumn’s question. Thank you!

      THIS is REAL TALK: “Sex is impactful, important, serious and relationship-changing…but
      it’s not the be-all, end-all, for all men and how they choose their

      Like you stated, it’s definitely possible fore men to place other aspects of a woman and a relationship above and before sex.

      The two questions you posed are on point!

      I’m not certain that falling in love immediately after sex means that the relationship is tainted, but it’s likely that the feelings of love may be based off of emotions rather than something more concrete and meaningful.

      I do believe that the joy of sex can skew the joy of being in a relationship with a person, if that person is confusing their sexual compatibility for the overall compatibility of them as individuals and a couple. That could be dangerous.

  • carly renee
    July 29, 2016

    I’m totally against the rush because I’ve been there and done that twice. My question is, how do you make a guy feel secure in getting to know you so he doesn’t get afraid to really connect thinking your going to through the cuffs on him.

    • Jay
      July 31, 2016

      Hey Carly! How’s it going?

      Thank you so much for taking the time out to listen to the podcast and share your thoughts. I truly appreciate it.

      Honestly, we can’t make anyone (man or woman) do anything against their will.

      If two people are in alignment, they won’t have to be convinced to commit to one another. It’s something they will want to do.

      If someone views a relationship as bondage or “cuffin”, that is someone who does not truly desire that relationship.

      If the other person does desire a relationship, it’s clear that the two of them are not in alignment.

      I hope something I’ve shared is helpful.

      Thank you and God bless you!

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