63: Why Women Should Ditch Their Lists

Woman writing a list of what she wants in a dream man

What  would you do if you met the person who had everything on your list?


You would probably be excited, thankful and overjoyed!


Well, I recently spoke with a young woman who received everything on her list and it made her ditch her list completely.


I know you may think she ditched her list because she found the man of her dreams.


I assure you, she ditched her list for the complete opposite reason.


She received what she thought she wanted and found out it was not what she needed nor what God truly had in store for her.


If you ask me, that’s a tough lesson to learn.


Therefore, I encourage you, especially if you have a list of your own that you’ve been waiting to materialize, to listen to this young woman’s experience and seriously think about possibly ditch your list too.


Listen to the latest podcast episode and discover why you may want to ditch your list too.



If you know someone who can benefit from this podcast, please share it with them by pressing ‘click to tweet’ below.


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Episode Title: Why Women Should Ditch Their Lists


Guests: Life Coach CesleyFollow Her on Twitter


Music: Mali Music – Walking Shoes



  • When a lot of women get to a certain point with their list, they either trash it or it becomes their holy grail.” – Life Coach Cesley


  • “A lot of times we get so caught up in what we think we want and need, that we forget that God knows what we want and what we will need.” – Life Coach Cesley


  • “God speaks to His children in the way they will understand it.” – Life Coach Cesley


  • “The law of attraction is faith.” – Life Coach Cesley


Experience is the Best Teacher:

  • Cesley explains why she decided to ditch her list of what she desires in a man
  • Cesley shares the greatest lessons she’s learned after getting rid of her list
  • Cesley explains the process she went through to begin fully trusting God to bring the right man into her life


Fun Times & Stories

  • God revealed His sense of humor when He allowed a man with a quality that was on Cesley’s list – the ability to cast out demons – to enter her life
  • Cesley shares her experience on two movie dates that went way left


Show Some Love:

Please leave me a comment or a private message answering the following questions:

Do you think you could ever ditch your list?


  • Autumn
    November 16, 2014

    Another interesting podcast. I don’t think people should ditch their lists. To me a few things on a list are like one’s standards. If you can’t tolerate a smoker or someone who doesn’t believe in God, those are absolute dealbreakers.

    The concept of an even yoke is interesting. The thing about a list, is it really is what I’m aspiring to as well. Note I say, “aspiring”. It’s not about who I am right now because I don’t want to get married or be permanently yoked to someone TODAY. So for me, it’s okay if a guy isn’t where he’d like to be right now because I’m not where I’d like to be right now. Yet.

    So it’s a difficult concept to ‘be what’s on your list’ if a list is more of a goal, a guideline. It’s not a script to be adhered to strictly other than dealbreakers like I mentioned above.

    I believe a couple has to want to go in a similar direction, but I don’t think they have to be on the exact same page when they meet. But it’s amazing how many people want someone to be this perfect person on paper on a first meeting. It’s okay for two imperfect people to get together. And every relationship isn’t meant to be forever.

    If you have a list, I believe to be open about it. It’s not a script. And don’t be surprised if you get what you want, just not in the way you imagined. One of those, “Be careful what you wish for” things.

    • Jay
      November 18, 2014

      Hey Autumn! Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and swinging by to share your thoughts. I truly appreciate that.

      I agree that our standards should never be thrown out.

      I can totally understand that. You’re still developing yourself and you’re willing to accept a man who is doing the same. That makes sense to me.

      Great point. I also believe that a list should be more of a guideline. It should not be the end all be all, in my opinion.

      You’re right about most people being far from perfect when they initially meet. It takes to develop a genuine connection and reach a point where both people are willing to be on the same path, traveling in the same direction and doing it together.

      That’s real. We must be prepared to receive what we ask for…even if turns out to not be exactly what we wanted.

      • Autumn
        December 1, 2014

        It has been so interesting dating and then coming back to some of my comments here afterward.

        I do think I understand what is meant by you attracting what you are right now. I’ve certainly done that! But that’s what I think is best. It’s such a reflection of me, not by whom I attract, but whom I ACCEPT.

        I like these discussions. I totally asked for what I wanted, but after this discussion I was also completely prepared for it not to be exactly how I wanted. So interesting!

        I’ve also learned to ask God to please remove someone from my life if it’s not meant to be. It’s really a powerful prayer but it does bring some peace to really be ready to accept the results from that prayer.

        Thanks, y’all!

        • Jay
          December 4, 2014

          Ah! That is a great point you made about the distinction between attracting vs. accepting. That’s real talk!

          Yes, that prayer is no joke, especially when someone means what they are saying and praying for.

          Thank you! You always leave such amazing comments. Thanks Autumn!

        • LifeCoach_Ces
          December 6, 2014

          Autumn, thank you so much for listening AND for coming back with an update!

          You bring up some extremely good points, in both posts! I totally agree, we should be aspiring to what is on our list and we should all be true to our deal breakers, as well. I also think its more than ok for two imperfect people to get together. We are all a work in progress and truly, we will always be because none of us will ever be 100% perfect. That’s one of the lessons my list taught me and something I’ve come to appreciate.

          I also love that you’ve come to see the importance of accepting what you want, even though it may not come how you wanted. That was a tough pill for me to swallow, but it’s another nugget that I am so grateful for. Plus it makes dating much more interesting, doesn’t it?! 🙂

          And THAT PRAYER! Autumn, I’ll be honest, it’s not always easy to utter the words. But like you said, there is peace that comes with the response – especially when we mean it (as Jay mentioned).

          Thank you again for taking the time to listen and for continually sharing such an insightful take on the discussion.

          God bless!

          • Jay
            December 8, 2014

            Hey Ces!

            I truly appreciate you taking the time out to swing by and respond to the comments that were left by the fellow R.E.A.L. Lovers. That means more to me than you can begin to imagine.

            It was great speaking and working with you and I look forward to what the future has in store.

            God bless you!

  • singlemomsmile1
    November 18, 2014

    I must admit that I am like Ces! I am quick to ask God to remove men from my life who are going to be a hinderence to His plan for my life. Just a few weeks ago I was trying to be courted again by a former flame. I am a firm believer in “exes are exes for a reason” so I proceeded with caution and was doing the good friend thing. There was much unrest about my spirit during the few weeks and I just flat out asked God to show me. I didn’t want to make any mistakes and I needed to know and that another day couldn’t go by. Well, God showed me by allowing my ex to send me a text that was meant for another woman. He called her “bae” in the message. This is the same “bae” he said he wasn’t interested in and didn’t want to be with in that way. Needless to say he and I are not an item.

    I was never one to make lists but I do want and deserve an Ephesians 5 man. I know what Ces means about having a man who will be able to stand in the gap for me when I am unable to pray for myself. In my line of work I see devoted husbands taking care of or making sure their wives are cared for in old age. That’s the kind of love I want. That’s the kind of love I will give. I will be that wife making those journeys to the nursing home if my husband is in one to feed him and make sure he is cared for. Prayerfully we will have good health and can stay home together but things happen.

    Ces, sister you are amazing. I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for your life. I am excited to be along for the ride. Keep moving forward, you have the right ideas. I bless God for the platform we have been given to bring glory to His name and to show others that following Jesus is the only way.

    • Jay
      November 18, 2014

      Wow! Look at God coming through in the clutch!

      I think that’s amazing that both you and Ces are willing to put things in God’s hands and weed out the men who are not aligned with God’s plan and purpose for your life.

      That truly is a quality to desire in any partner. That is someone who you know you can count on, at your best or your worst.

      Both of you ladies are outstanding! You know y’all have my full support!

    • LifeCoach_Ces
      December 6, 2014

      First, THANK YOU for listening and for posting your testimony!

      It’s seriously a testament to God’s faithfulness. I mean, WOW! I’m so glad He showed you the truth before things went too deep.

      You’re desire for true man of God, is one I totally agree with. So yes, go ahead and claim that kind of LOVE because YOU DO DESERVE IT and I can’t wait to hear about it, when it comes to be! 🙂

      And thank you so much for the well wishes for my life! I am excited for what He is doing and grateful for all He has done. This next chapter and the platform that He has blessed us with, will definitely be an amazing experience and I pray it edifies the Kingdom, just as He intended.

      Looking forward to working with you!

      With love,

      • Jay
        December 8, 2014

        Oh yeah! God has so many AMAZING things on the horizon for us all. I am looking forward to it!

  • Julia
    November 21, 2014

    First, I greatly value Cesley’s godly perspective regarding this topic. Second, I do believe that on the surface, lists can be superficial and eliminate the desire to truly see God’s perspective regarding our best interest in the form of a mate. The late, incomparable Dr. Myles Munroe has indicated several times that God does not make the selection for us. Singles (especially Christian ones) have been misguided by the notion that God is going to make the choice. [I highly suggest R.E.A.L. Lovers watch the YouTube video entitled, “Principles for Male and Female Relationships ” because it will likely augment or radically change the way you view your role in selecting a mate]. He never usurps our free will. It is our job as singles to look to God and the Holy Spirit in making the significant, life altering decision in our covenant partners / mate.
    To some degree, there needs to be a form of reference for singles in the criteria that we use to make this choice. Lists are not altogther bad; however, if we are so resolved not to except anything other than the person who fits that list verbatim, then we have placed limitations on God and undue strain on the person of interest to fit our rigid systems of what is best for us. That’s a recipe for disaster. I’ve kept a journal for years dedicated to my future husband and children, and it’s a place where I can condidently express myself in solitude; although I know God is the Word that I feel it beneficial to notate key things that I should distinctly be aware of in the opposite sex. I always pray that God would make me sensitive to His best for me and my future husband, and give me the humility and patience not to manipulate Psalm 37:4 to my own selfish desires.
    Praying God’s will may reveal that you don’t need, deserve, or truly desire the items on your list. I’ve heard an elder at my church talk about how “delighting ourselves in God” means that we make our hearts pliable; we give God our total selves as a canvas to do something glorious. Who better to aid us in making life choices (especially those regarding our future spouses) than the one who made us? In return, He promises that after submitting ourselves to Him in that fashion, we will receive the desires of our heart. Maybe you don’t need a list per se to do this, but if God promises to give you the desires of your heart, you first need to know what they are before you can confidently confess them to Him. I have heard too many testimonies from married people who went about it this way and they are reaping the fruit from it to this day. I only hope to be as blessed.

    • Jay
      November 21, 2014

      Hey Julia! Thank you so much for swinging by to listen to the podcast and for taking the time out to share your thoughts. I truly appreciate that more than you know.

      I am so glad that you enjoyed Cesley’s perspective.

      Yes! That is an amazing teaching by Dr. Myles Munroe. Thank you so much for recommending it to the fellow R.E.A.L. Lovers!

      “It is our job as singles to look to God and the Holy Spirit in making
      the significant, life altering decision in our covenant partners / mate.”

      That is fact! Like you stated, God will never choose our mate for us. That is a decision that will be always completely on us to make…for better or for worse.

      I agree that lists aren’t all bad. There is definitely a benefit to having standards. I totally believe that it is imperative for us to know what we need, want and expect from ourselves, a partner and a relationship.

      Oh yeah! That is truly a blessing and I couldn’t imagine not including God in the process. It is so much better and more beneficial that way.

      I’m with you. I long for that amazing experience with my wife someday too.

      Here is a link to the teaching by Dr. Myles Munroe, for those who are interested in watching it:


    • LifeCoach_Ces
      December 6, 2014

      Thanks for taking the time to listen, Julia!

      You literally made one great point after another. I agree wholeheartedly, God will not choose our mate for us, because that interrupts our free will, which He would never do – and you’re right, lists aren’t all bad. Like you said, it’s when that list places limits on God that we end up with “a recipe for disaster.”

      Your journal to your future spouse and children sounds absolutely beautiful. What a wonderful way to show them that you loved them, even before they were in your life. I LOVE IT! Also, praying for God to make you “sensitive to His best” for you and your future husband is remarkable.

      You certainly hit the nail on the head with Psalm 37:4, because a pliable heart is exactly the kind of heart that verse speaks of. Plus, I couldn’t agree more – God is certainly the best aid we can have when making decisions, big or small.

      I look forward to watching the video you recommended and truly just want to thank you again, for taking time to share your point of view. 🙂

      God bless!

      • Jay
        December 8, 2014

        If you take the time out to watch the video, I would really like to know your thoughts and perspective on the things that Dr. Myles Munroe teaches. Thanks!

        • LifeCoach_Ces
          December 22, 2014

          Hi Julia and Jay,

          Thank you both for suggesting the Dr. Munroe video – it was a treat, filled with so many nuggets of knowledge! I ended up with a slew of notes and insight into a perspective that I’ve haven’t explored. It was well worth the time and truly blessed my soul.

          Thank you both again!

          • Jay
            December 22, 2014

            I am so glad that you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for taking the time out to watch it.

  • Brianna
    January 7, 2015

    Jay you are definitely showing out with these podcasts this year & these amazing guests.

    Listening to her story really makes me want to get rid of my list.

    This podcast was very inspirational & entertaining. I loved it!

    ** I’m no longer on twitter but I did share it on Facebook & I hope that my friends enjoy it just as much as I did.

    • Jay
      January 8, 2015

      You are far too kind Brianna!

      Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. I am so happy that you enjoyed the discussion with Cesley. I agree, she truly is amazing.

      You’re thinking about ditching the list, huh?

      I’m curious, what’s on your list?

      WOW! Thank you so much for sharing the podcast with your friends. That really means a lot to me. You’re the best!!!

      God bless you!

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