43: How to Forgive and Forget

Ever had someone you love betray your trust?


If so, you know how difficult it can be to forgive them.


Thankfully, it’s not impossible.


Believe it or not, you are not the only one who struggles with forgiving someone who has wronged you.


I recently received an email from a fellow R.E.A.L. Lover who’s sister betrayed her trust and she is wondering how she can forgive and forget what her sister did to her.


In the latest episode of the Listen Up Ladies series, I will address her concerns, provide my insight and discuss her situation from a woman’s perspective with Ariel.



If you know a woman who can benefit from this please share it with her, by pressing ‘click to tweet’ below.


[Tweet “Learn How to Forgive AND Forget! on @RTRLRadio”]




Episode Title: How to Forgive and Forget


Guest: ArielFollow Her on Twitter


Music: TobyMac ft. Lecrae – Forgiveness


Click here to watch the sermon ‘It’s In You’ by Robert Madu



  • “Only God can change a person’s heart.” – Ariel


  • “As hard as it may seem, to be able to forgive someone else, it’s definitely possible.” – Jay


  • “Bitterness doesn’t do anybody any good.” – Ariel


  • “You cannot always want to be right.” – Ariel


  • “The only person that you truly have any control over is yourself.” – Jay


  • “When you know you need to forgive someone, you have to make the first place you go to God.” – Jay


  • “Examine people by their character. That’s the greatest identifier of what type of person you’re dealing with.” – Jay


Key Lessons:

  • How to FORGIVE and FORGET
  • How to deal with the betrayal of your trust by a family member
  • The power in forgiving yourself and knowing that your Heavenly Father has forgiven you
  • How to overcome the hurt and betrayal caused by a sibling


Hot Topics & Takeaways:

  • The importance of knowing the character of people you desire to place your trust in
  • Discover the starting point for forgiving anyone for anything
  • How to deal with a sibling who is unremorseful about hurting or betraying you
  • What it means to “forget”


Dangers & Difficulties:

  • The danger of placing your trust in someone who doesn’t value or deserve it
  • The things that make forgiving other people so difficult
  • The danger in not being willing to let go of the pain and hurt that someone has caused you


Experience is the Best Teacher:

  • Ariel shares how she stepped out on faith, by quitting her job, and amidst financial challenges her amazing best friend remains by her side
  • Ariel explains how she’s dealt with the betrayal of her trust by her brother and her sister
  • Ariel tells how she was able to reach the point where she could genuinely and completely forgive her brother


Insight & Action Steps:

  1. Know a person’s character before trusting them
  2. Vent about your pain, but don’t dish dirt on the person who hurt you
  3. Know when to pass everything you’re dealing with off to God
  4. Acknowledge that it is possible to not only forgive, but to forget too


Apply the Principles:

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken. “ Psalm 55:22 (NIV)


Show Some Love:

Please leave me a comment or a private message answering the following question:

Do you believe it is possible to forgive AND forget?


  • Autumn
    September 9, 2014

    A few months ago I talked about being impatient. I’m impatient because without contact or nurturing, my feelings for anyone–family, friend, lover, co-worker, whomever will eventually fade. Fast. So knowing this, I used to always try to outrun that fading and keep in contact with folks. The upside of this, is that time heals. And for me, it can be pretty fast. If something egregious hasn’t happened I can forgive over time. Forgetting? I never forget what happened. If something egregious has happened it can take a lot of work and time to really forget, not the incident. I won’t forget that, but the feeling, all the emotions. That’s what you’re trying to not, forget, but really have fade away. Time can work wonders. But sometimes you have to do some work with yourself too. Some people bring it to God. Others have a trusted friend or therapist to work those emotions out with.

    Family is hard because we are socialized to believe family will always be there for one another. So if someone is treating a family member badly, they often continue because they know the other person is attached and won’t let go. A friend would drop that person like a hot potato. Sometimes as a family member you have to let go too.

    One lesson I learned and am still learning. You can let go of all that emotion and not necessarily let the relationship go. You can leave the door open. If the person isn’t toxic or abusive. Sometimes that’s all you can do.

    It’s hard work. I tend to let the relationship go. I can be civil but that’s it. It’s just simpler for me. Even with family. All relationships take work. I can’t do all that by myself.

    The only reason I used to not let myself let go and forget/let the emotions go was the emotions were keeping me safe. I felt if I let it go, I might let my guard down, let this person into my life to hurt me again. And no one can cut you to the quick like a close family member. They know all your vulnerabilities. But I worry less about that now. (Mostly because I let folks go completely.) And I worry less because–I learned not to get to invested in someone not as invested in you. Just put your focus elsewhere. That’s what I did. And that’s where I found my peace.

    • singlemomsmile1
      September 9, 2014

      You hit the nail on the head when you said the emotions were keeping you safe. That’s where I was finding myself with my daughter’s dad. As long as I stayed angry I knew I wouldn’t be weak and go back to him. But just as you put it, we can let go of the emotions without letting go of the relationship. In this case it’s not possible for me to cut ties and run (which is my most favorite choice because it is just easier that way).

      I’m glad you’ve found your peace. Knowing who to invest in is key. There’s nothing worse than giving the right thing to the wrong person.

      Thank you for responding and sharing your life with the community! I hope you enjoyed the show and that it was a blessing to you-Ariel

      • Autumn
        September 9, 2014

        Yeah, I don’t hold on to things so I can ‘win’. It’s not winning or losing in these situations. It’s just about not trying to be hurt by the folks you thought would love you the most.

        I’m still learning lessons about letting go of emotions. It’s not easy but if I give myself enough time and focus elsewhere I can manage it sometimes. Not all the time, though.

        I don’t feel I’m sharing much, to be honest. Just thoughts. But I’m glad it’s helpful to others. 🙂 No one is really alone even though it feels that way at times.

        • singlemomsmile1
          September 10, 2014

          You are sharing a lot because your words are impacting someone’s life somewhere 🙂

          • Autumn
            September 10, 2014

            Thanks! Meant a lot to read that. 🙂

          • Jay
            September 11, 2014

            Yes! She is sharing a lot and helping others. It’s a blessing!

        • Jay
          September 11, 2014

          You’re right about none of us being alone. That is so true. Even when people abandon us, God is always present.

      • Jay
        September 11, 2014

        “Knowing who to invest in is key. There’s nothing worse than giving the right thing to the wrong person.”


        I couldn’t agree with you more about that Ariel.

    • Jay
      September 11, 2014

      Wow Autumn!

      Thank you for sharing so much of your personal experience. You have made some extremely valid points.

      Similar to you, I usually will let those types of relationships go too. I don’t still harbor anything against anyone. I just know it’s best if they don’t remain in my life any longer.

      I’m happy to hear that you have found peace. That’s what it truly boils down to. I thank God for His peace. It makes a world of difference.

  • Renatha
    September 10, 2014

    Very nice podcast. I liked when Ariel touched on how God has forgiven you so we should forgive others. You are so right and with what I have been going through I asked myself this and told myself I need to do this because God forgives me. Whats amazing is that recently (like a couple days ago)went though this and then I received the email podcast from J and the right to real love community and I was like wow this is what I am dealing with now and I definitely needed this podcast. It’s amazing how podcast come up at the right time when you are dealing with alot at times. I took the situation between me n the other person to God after the other apologized and opened up to me after two years. Yes Jay your right we have to allow God to work on them to express and open up. Jay I really liked when you said go straight to God so he can show you the steps and guidance on how to deal with forgiveness and forgetness. I am still seeking God on this and continuing to pray for the other person that’s all I can do and ensure I can forgive and forget. To Autumn I read your comment and thank you sharing and opening up because it is impacting my life just reading your thoughts and concerns in this matter. You are right time can work wonders and how some seek a therapist or God. Having many outlets to go to release your pain is great because which ever one you go there is always a solution you can take down and utilize it in your life. To the young lady who wrote in I am truly sorry you had to deal with this situation but keep God close. Also pray that God will bless you with trusting people in your life. Keep your head up and know that you are a strong women and you can do this when you feel like you cant let your daughter be your inspiration to lift you higher. God Bless!

    • Autumn
      September 10, 2014

      Thank you too, Renatha. I don’t always know who is out there listening but I’m glad to hear from you all. Jay is right, we are definitely building community!

    • Jay
      September 11, 2014

      WOW! Look at God arriving right on time!

      I am so happy that this was a timely and beneficial message for you Renatha.

      Yes, we have to submit the entire situation to God. Once we get out the way, we allow Him to get to work, on our behalf.

      That’s precisely what God wants you to do. Continue praying and seeking Him for guidance. He will provide for you and eventually fill you with His peace.

      It’s so great that you took such value from Autumn’s insight.

      Also, I appreciate you sharing such encouraging words for the young woman who sent me the email.

      God bless you Renatha!

    • singlemomsmile1
      September 24, 2014

      Thank you for listening. God is always on time, he brought this community into my life via the podcasts right on time as well. Keep praying and trusting God.

  • Cori
    September 12, 2014

    I Loved listening to you. You´re completely right it´s easier to forgive others when we realize God forgives us. I believe that if you did not learn forgiving when you were a child, it gets harder to do it when you´re older, but it´s all about trainning until it comes naturally and you feel the peace that comes with letting go.

    • Jay
      September 12, 2014

      Hey Cori!

      Thank you so much for taking the time to not only listen to the podcast, but to leave a comment too. That really means a lot to me.

      I am so happy that you enjoyed the podcast.

      Yes, indeed. When we are reminded of God’s forgiveness towards us, it should change our perspective.

      You are right. It can be very challenging to learn how to forgive if it wasn’t something that was learned or witness growing up.

      Yet, like you stated, we can always learn how to forgive and forget. Our Heavenly Father is always willing and ready to assist us.

      Thanks again for your comment. I will definitely be shouting you out in an upcoming podcast. I hope that you will continue to stop by and share your thoughts on future episodes too. I look forward to interacting with you.

      God bless you!

      • Cori
        September 22, 2014

        Hi Jay!
        I´ll be checking on the next podcasts, it´s great to listen to God´s lessons this way.
        Sorry for the late reply.

        • Jay
          September 23, 2014

          It’s all good Cori. I appreciate your willingness to listen to the podcast and leave comments. I hope that you enjoy the upcoming content too.

          Stay Blessed!

        • singlemomsmile1
          September 24, 2014

          Hey Cori! Glad to see you were able to become a fellow “Real Lover”…that’s what we call ourselves here. Enjoy! I hope to see you soon.

  • TLati
    September 23, 2014

    I had to stop speaking to a long time friend after not setting boundaries in our relationship. This was hard, is still hard because I usually befriend with the heart of being connected to that person for a lifetime but I’ve learned some people are not supposed to take this journey called life with me. I couldn’t no longer handle the critical nature of this relationship and since I also know how it feels to have people walk away from me, I tried to at least share with this person as to why I felt no longer connected. I did it through email because in the past our conversations have turned into debates rather than healthy discussion and I don’t have the mental energy to put myself in this position again. I feel like I’ve made the best decision for my life and I am very much aware now of managing my personal boundaries.

    • Jay
      September 24, 2014

      Hey TLati! Thank you so much for swinging by, listening to the podcast and sharing your personal experiences! I appreciate it more than you know.

      Disconnecting from what was once a great friendship can be difficult. I can’t imagine the challenges that you must have faced.

      However, you did what was best for you and that is what is most important. If someone isn’t adding value into our lives, it’s time to evaluate what the extent of their impact in our life is. If necessary, we may have to breakaway from them.

      I am happy to hear that you did was what best for you, you’re happy and at peace with your decision and it’s made you more aware of managing your personal boundaries. That’s great!

      Thank you again for your listening to the podcast and leaving a comment sharing your experience. I give shout outs on the podcast to everyone who leaves comments hear on the site. Therefore, you can expect to hear your name on an upcoming episode.

      Thanks for your continued support and I look forward to interacting with you more often! God bless you!

    • singlemomsmile1
      September 24, 2014

      Good afternoon,
      Healthy boundaries are so important and they must be set with everyone, family and friends. It can be unpleasant at first but as time goes on it will get better. We appreciate you listening.

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