86: Signs You’re Not Ready to Start Dating

Am I ready to start dating?


That’s a question that is more difficult to answer than most people think.


If you’re thinking about dating, take a moment to find out if you’re truly ready.


It’s not easy to face the fact that you may not be ready to start dating, but accepting that fact can help prepare you for when you are ready.


I’m not saying whether you’re ready or not, that’s a decision that only you can make.


However, I would like to share the latest podcast episode with you, in hopes that it will assist you with determining whether you’re truly ready to start dating or not. Enjoy!






Episode Title: Signs You’re Not Ready to Start Dating


Guests: Simone PhillipsFacebook Fan Page * J. Patrick WiseWatch His Webseries ‘Me, You, and Him: The Series’


Music: Daniel de Bourg – Run



  • It’s important for us to investigate the reason why we want to be in a relationship.” – J. Patrick Wise


  • “There is value in all of our experiences.” – Simone Phillips


  • “The purpose of marriage and relationships is not your happiness.” – J. Patrick Wise


  • “A person must believe that they can have a healthy, whole relationship.” – Simone Phillips


Key Lessons:

  • Reasons why it can be challenging to take a seat and make a decision to not date for a period of time
  • The importance of realizing the value in every experience
  • How you can know that you’re not ready to date


Hot Topics & Takeaways:

  • The common thread that exists for people who are not ready to start dating
  • Signs that someone may be in denial about not being ready to start dating
  • How to identify whether or not someone you’re interested in dating is truly ready or not


Dangers & Difficulties:

  • Simone explains the danger in allowing our desire to date to be on autopilot
  • Dealing with the negative stigma of singleness


Experience is the Best Teacher:

  • J. Patrick shares how pride and selfishness can hinder people’s readiness for a relationship
  • Simone shares about her journey toward learning how to date selectively


Answer This Question:

Are you ready to start dating?

Leave your answer in a comment below. Thanks!

  • singlemomsmile1
    January 30, 2015

    All I can say is I can listen to J Patrick drop that wisdom all day long. I am so happy you had him back on the show Jay. He always says that one thing that sinks into my spirit. This time he said something to the effect of “I could be that guy on the way to another guy” Ladies can we stop and let that marinate for minute. You know swish it around, savor it, then take it it. Not all men when want to be a notch on a woman’s belt so to speak. Thank you J Patrick for that.

    Simone wow she has been there done that. Experience is the best teacher. I know what my sister is talking about when she mentioned taking a break without progress being made, sitting idle like she said. You have to do your work. I chose to do the work not necessarily so that I can get a man but so I can be the best person and mom possible. Thanks for all of the confirmation!

    To answer your question Jay, am I ready to date? Or in WPOV lingo am I ready to launch? Not yet. I’m in the waiting room Jay. I love that analogy having been a nurse for 14 years. I have seen some interesting things and had great convo with patients who were waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office I used to work in. I must admit it would be nice to meet a man who is in the waiting room and we approach to door together. I would even let him hold the door open for me and invite me in. Where as in the past I would kick open the door and drag him even if he was kicking and screaming lol.

    • Jay
      February 2, 2015

      That’s real sis! J. Patrick definitely keeps it real…consistently too.

      That truly is a heavy statement and I honestly must admit that I missed that until you just pointed it out. I can’t lie, I would love to know what you and the thinks think about that. I might need to start making notes of these possible WPOV topics. lol I don’t want to overwhelm y’all though.

      It sounds like you’re doing the work for the right reasons! No knock to women who are doing the work solely to prepare for a man, but there are much great purposes for putting that much needed work in.

      I love your honesty sis!!! Even though I cannot picture you kicking that door open and dragging a brotha through it while he’s kicking and screaming! LOL!

      Ideally, I would like to meet a woman in the waiting room and for us to approach the door together too. We’ll see how it turns out though…lol

      • singlemomsmile1
        February 4, 2015

        Hey bro no worries about overwhelming me. I am down for whatever when it comes to RTRL and WPOV!

        Thank you so much for your encouragement. I am thankful for you.

        The fact that you couldn’t see me kicking in that door shows that change is possible! Lol

        • Jay
          February 5, 2015

          I really appreciate your willingness to dive in and discuss a variety of different topics and address different questions too.

          It’s all love and I am so thankful for you too sis!

          OH YEAH! Change is definitely possible. LOL!

  • Julia
    February 12, 2015

    This was a great discussion and the male-female perspective was definitely needed. It’s always a pleasure to hear J. Patrick’s insight as a godly man who shoots it straight with no chaser, and Simone’s viewpoints certainly made me appreciate my own growth process during this season of waiting. Her point regarding waiting with a purpose is so poignant because I have a few girlfriends (35 and up) whom I have lovingly chided for aging in place with no intentional plans to invite and prepare for their hearts desire. There are even some Christians who think that the only actions necessary to getting a mate is prayer and fasting, and that’s why they are still single. This counterintuitive behavior is actually contradicted in the Bible which connotes that waiting is not meant to be interpreted as simply “resting in motion without any deliberate counter activity and/or premeditated purpose for waiting” (Isaiah 40:31 is a prime example). Thanks to Simone for touching on that topic because you get what you prepare for and conversely, what you don’t or won’t prepare for.

    There were two significant indicators that came to mind while listening to this discussion. The first one is that the person who is in denial about being ready to date is often found making concessions for their actions which are contrary to God’s constructive plan for their life and / or their own desires. This is the person who will willfully avail themselves to people, places and things as a means to accommodate their voids and insecurities regarding being single and other undesirable states they may find themselves in (i.e. unemployed, uninsured, lack of transportation, etc.). They throw caution to the wind and seriously don’t consider how gravitating towards a boo just for the sake of having one may cost them in the end because it wasn’t their assignment to be with that particular person in the first place. The second thing is that the person cannot clearly articulate the kind of person they desire to attract and subsequently date nor can they convey how their unity with this person will make the other person better. If dating someone is the basis of fulfillment for them because they finally won’t have to hear questions and remarks about their single state, then this is a comfort zone and they feel content by merely having someone there regardless as to that person’s character; vision, and value brought to the relationship.

    Honestly, time is better spent alone if it is not going to be purposeful, and when you are intertwining your life with someone even in the dating zone, it is a responsibility that should not be treated callously. Warming the bench for this many years has revealed things about my single self that needed to be changed before I invited a man’s continual presence into my life. In a courtship, I understand that my calling would be to meaningfully impact my man’s life ( and he mine) such that we could make a mutual decision to engage in the more permanent aspect of our being; which is unity through holy matrimony. When I got the revelation several years ago about the purpose of marriage, I made the conscious decision not to entertain anything that was counterproductive to God’s plans and my heart’s desire because I knew it would set me back if I lost focus of what I was truly called to do in a relationship.

    Though I am not at all a fan of the world’s perspective of dating, in general I will say that dating can be a healthy avenue towards a fulfilling and lasting relationship when both parties have a clear understanding of its design. This takes a communal effort of both MATURE adults to engage in vital dialogue regarding things such as values, convictions [both spiritual and criminal], vision, sexual status, desires for their future, children, etc., before they are confronted with temptations of sensual desire that may be too powerful for them to resist. So many times, people pull the cart before the horse and are mystified as to why they can’t become socially acquainted with the person they first got to know physically. It wasn’t intended to be that way. J. Patrick mentioned “counting the cost”, and it is crucial to do that before you get involved.You can’t evaluate another person’s intentions if you don’t have a genuine basis for your own. If a person is not currently in a relationship, they should use that alone time to think about why they want to date and whether they are ready, and what the other person stands to gain by being with them. This special time of getting acquainted with yourself will reveal things like quirks, turn-offs, bad habits, non-negotiables, standards, and help you to erect firm boundaries.
    Awesome podcast, and I look forward to many more like this.

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