3 HARD TRUTHS About Women Who Give Ultimatums


If you think giving your partner an ultimatum will solve an issue in your relationship, you’re wrong.


Ultimatums will cause more issues, before ever resolving the current ones.


There are plenty of women who believe that dishing out an ultimatum will get their man in line.


The truth is, it will likely cause him to drift further away or break apart from her entirely.


There are three hard truths about ultimatums that every woman must know before ever dishing one out.


#1 – They’re Not in Control


Let’s be honest, giving out ultimatums is all about control.


If a woman feels the need to give her partner an ultimatum, it’s a clear indicator that she desires control not only over the relationship, but over her partner too.


Either her partner isn’t moving at her desired pace or he isn’t doing what she wants him to do, when she wants him to do it.


Whatever the case may be, she’s angling to gain control over the situation and her partner by serving up an ultimatum.


Doing this actually counterintuitive.


Simply by making an ultimatum, a woman is showing that she doesn’t have control within the relationship.


In fact, the ultimatum will serve to place even more control in the man’s hand.




Because ultimately, he will be the one deciding whether to comply with her demands or to leave her and the relationship behind.


Ladies, healthy relationships aren’t based on who has control.


If there is an issue in your relationship, the best way to address it is through a discussion with your partner.


If he is unwilling to have that discussion with you, then it’s time for you to consider whether or not the two of you are properly aligned.



#2 – They’re Insecure, Immature or Both


Giving someone an ultimatum is a sign of insecurity, immaturity or both.


If a woman plans to use an ultimatum as a way to rope a man into a relationship, or into committing to her for a lifetime, that’s an insecure way of achieving that objective.


If a man is truly interested in being with a woman, she won’t have to make him commit to her. He will do it willingly.


If an ultimatum is something a woman is truly considering, it is likely an indicator that she doesn’t know how to express or voice her concerns to her partner in a mature way.


The first step towards resolving relationship issues, in a mature fashion, is to be open to sharing how you feel with your partner, verbally and directly.


The second step is to allow your partner to share how they feel with you, while listening to them attentively.


This way you both are respecting one another and are more likely to resolve your issues or at least determine the next step that needs to be taken.



#3 – They’re With the Wrong Man


If a woman is secure, mature and isn’t seeking to control her partner or their relationship, but feels that issuing an ultimatum is a last ditch effort to get her relationship back on track…


There is a strong possibility that she is with the wrong man.


Sometimes a woman can be doing everything in her power to make a relationship work, but the issue isn’t with her.


If a woman is not properly aligned with a man, issues are not only going to arise within the relationship, but they are going to persist.


In such cases, a woman must take time to consider all of the things she needs, desires and expects in a partner.


Then seriously assess whether or not the man she is currently with is capable and willing to meet her needs, desires and expectations.


If a woman is experiencing issues with her partner or within her relationship, there are numerous mature and constructive ways to resolve them.


An ultimatum is never the answer.


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  • Jay
    August 6, 2014

    Hey Laniece!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by, read the post and share your thoughts on ultimatums with me. I appreciate it more than you know.

    You’re right. The word ‘ultimatum’ does have a negative connotation.

    I agree that a person does need to be made aware of their harmful behavior. There is no doubt about that.

    Delivery is so important!!!! The right delivery can change someone’s response for sure.

    I really like your example too, because I am not a fan of people being late at all. That is a major pet peeve of mine.

    Just so you know, everyone who leaves a comment here on the website gets a shout out
    on the podcast. So, you can plan to hear your name on an upcoming episode!

    Thanks again Laniece!

  • Clemons Micah
    October 14, 2017

    Yesterday I was given an ultimatum about whether or not I should be a firefighter… Her irrational fear of losing her loved ones drove her to this point though I chose fire I still feel guilty

    • Jay
      October 18, 2017

      Thank you for sharing your recent experience Clemons.

      I’m curious, what do you feel guilty?

  • Gerry
    January 2, 2018

    My girl friend of 2 years gave me the ultimatum last Thursday.
    My daughter did not want to spend the night at her home so I explained to my girlfriend that me and my kids would sleep at my place.

    My girlfriend did not like that and so said If I didn’t come over for the night and make my kid stay there our relationship was over.

    Naturally I said please don’t make me chose between my kids but I had to make a choice and I stayed home with my kids.

    Well now we are broken up and she believes I didn’t make her priority.

    I’m heart broken because I love this woman like no other but she refuses to even talk about it. She blocked me completely from her and I am sitting here wondering what I did.

    • Jay
      January 2, 2018

      Gerry, I appreciate you opening up and sharing your recent experience.

      I’m sorry to hear that your girlfriend gave you that ultimatum.

      I know it’s not about “being right”, but I firmly believe that you made the right decisions. It’s unfortunate that your girlfriend did not understand or appreciate that you needed to do what was best for your daughter in that situation.

      It may not seem like it at the moment, but there is a vital lesson to be learned from this experience.

      Thank you again for sharing.

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