3 HARD TRUTHS About Women Who Give Ultimatums


If you think giving your partner an ultimatum will solve an issue in your relationship, you’re wrong.


Ultimatums will cause more issues, before ever resolving the current ones.


There are plenty of women who believe that dishing out an ultimatum will get their man in line.


The truth is, it will likely cause him to drift further away or break apart from her entirely.


There are three hard truths about ultimatums that every woman must know before ever dishing one out.


#1 – They’re Not in Control


Let’s be honest, giving out ultimatums is all about control.


If a woman feels the need to give her partner an ultimatum, it’s a clear indicator that she desires control not only over the relationship, but over her partner too.


Either her partner isn’t moving at her desired pace or he isn’t doing what she wants him to do, when she wants him to do it.


Whatever the case may be, she’s angling to gain control over the situation and her partner by serving up an ultimatum.


Doing this actually counterintuitive.


Simply by making an ultimatum, a woman is showing that she doesn’t have control within the relationship.


In fact, the ultimatum will serve to place even more control in the man’s hand.




Because ultimately, he will be the one deciding whether to comply with her demands or to leave her and the relationship behind.


Ladies, healthy relationships aren’t based on who has control.


If there is an issue in your relationship, the best way to address it is through a discussion with your partner.


If he is unwilling to have that discussion with you, then it’s time for you to consider whether or not the two of you are properly aligned.



#2 – They’re Insecure, Immature or Both


Giving someone an ultimatum is a sign of insecurity, immaturity or both.


If a woman plans to use an ultimatum as a way to rope a man into a relationship, or into committing to her for a lifetime, that’s an insecure way of achieving that objective.


If a man is truly interested in being with a woman, she won’t have to make him commit to her. He will do it willingly.


If an ultimatum is something a woman is truly considering, it is likely an indicator that she doesn’t know how to express or voice her concerns to her partner in a mature way.


The first step towards resolving relationship issues, in a mature fashion, is to be open to sharing how you feel with your partner, verbally and directly.


The second step is to allow your partner to share how they feel with you, while listening to them attentively.


This way you both are respecting one another and are more likely to resolve your issues or at least determine the next step that needs to be taken.



#3 – They’re With the Wrong Man


If a woman is secure, mature and isn’t seeking to control her partner or their relationship, but feels that issuing an ultimatum is a last ditch effort to get her relationship back on track…


There is a strong possibility that she is with the wrong man.


Sometimes a woman can be doing everything in her power to make a relationship work, but the issue isn’t with her.


If a woman is not properly aligned with a man, issues are not only going to arise within the relationship, but they are going to persist.


In such cases, a woman must take time to consider all of the things she needs, desires and expects in a partner.


Then seriously assess whether or not the man she is currently with is capable and willing to meet her needs, desires and expectations.


If a woman is experiencing issues with her partner or within her relationship, there are numerous mature and constructive ways to resolve them.


An ultimatum is never the answer.


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  • Jay
    August 6, 2014

    Hey Laniece!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by, read the post and share your thoughts on ultimatums with me. I appreciate it more than you know.

    You’re right. The word ‘ultimatum’ does have a negative connotation.

    I agree that a person does need to be made aware of their harmful behavior. There is no doubt about that.

    Delivery is so important!!!! The right delivery can change someone’s response for sure.

    I really like your example too, because I am not a fan of people being late at all. That is a major pet peeve of mine.

    Just so you know, everyone who leaves a comment here on the website gets a shout out
    on the podcast. So, you can plan to hear your name on an upcoming episode!

    Thanks again Laniece!

  • Clemons Micah
    October 14, 2017

    Yesterday I was given an ultimatum about whether or not I should be a firefighter… Her irrational fear of losing her loved ones drove her to this point though I chose fire I still feel guilty

    • Jay
      October 18, 2017

      Thank you for sharing your recent experience Clemons.

      I’m curious, what do you feel guilty?

  • Gerry
    January 2, 2018

    My girl friend of 2 years gave me the ultimatum last Thursday.
    My daughter did not want to spend the night at her home so I explained to my girlfriend that me and my kids would sleep at my place.

    My girlfriend did not like that and so said If I didn’t come over for the night and make my kid stay there our relationship was over.

    Naturally I said please don’t make me chose between my kids but I had to make a choice and I stayed home with my kids.

    Well now we are broken up and she believes I didn’t make her priority.

    I’m heart broken because I love this woman like no other but she refuses to even talk about it. She blocked me completely from her and I am sitting here wondering what I did.

    • Jay
      January 2, 2018

      Gerry, I appreciate you opening up and sharing your recent experience.

      I’m sorry to hear that your girlfriend gave you that ultimatum.

      I know it’s not about “being right”, but I firmly believe that you made the right decisions. It’s unfortunate that your girlfriend did not understand or appreciate that you needed to do what was best for your daughter in that situation.

      It may not seem like it at the moment, but there is a vital lesson to be learned from this experience.

      Thank you again for sharing.

  • Theresa Sullivan
    May 3, 2020

    My older Brother just passed and he has a Son from his first wife whom his current wife despises and their hate for each other has caused a riff between Father and son for many years. now that my brother is deceased, His first wife contacted me to give her condolences and we talked foe awhile and remembered times we had shared together long ago with my Nephew and I expressed my desire to renew my relationship with him. We decided to become friends on FB so we could keep in touch about our families. I knew it would upset my current Sister-in-law , so I told her what had transpired and my plan to get to know my nephew now that My Brother is deceased. I told both Sister-in-laws that I would tolerate no drama from either of them on my timeline and they respected this. Then 2 days later, my current Sister-in-law called me and blasted me with an ultimatum that if I was going to be friends with my previous sister-in-law then we could not be friends any longer. We are talkng about a 30 yr friendship. I was totally shocked! She accused me of dividing our family, which I don’t believe is true. I think her ultimatum is what will cause the division of family. She hung up on me before I could respond and I have not spoken to her since. It made me feel that she was trying to control my actions to vindicate her hatred of my first sis-in-law.. I am totally saddened by this event and have no response for her. I don’t feel I have done anything wrong and actually think she owes me an apology. Please give me your thoughts on this.

    • Yahnathan J. Immanuel
      May 4, 2020

      Thank you so much Theresa for taking the time out to share your recent experience. I can’t begin to imagine how you must feel to be put in such a position. It is very unfortunate that your current sister-in-law reacted the way she did and gave you such an unfair ultimatum.

      The one thing that comes to mind is that there may be a fear within her that led her to react the way she did. Perhaps she believes her relationship with you will be diminished or change if she doesn’t do something to prevent that. If that is the case, she may not realize how the ultimatum she’s given you is not an effective way to communicate how she feels about your relationship potentially being threatened or changing if you begin to connect with your first sister-in-law.

      It may be challenging to do so; however, when you are able to, try to put yourself in her shoes. This may help you better understand her ultimatum. However, keep in mind that you can never 100% know the reason behind her actions unless she shares them with you. Taking time to perceive things from her perspective is an exercise to help prevent you from reacting rashly to her actions.

      When she is willing, ask her to meet or call you so that you two can discuss the situation. The objective I recommend you go to that meeting or call with is to listen to her. Allow her to express her feelings. Yes, you have your own, but it’s evident that she has feelings and thoughts that need to be expressed and more importantly heard. Provide her with the opportunity and only after you’ve intently listened to her and she’s shared all she wants to share do you make a decision.

      Ultimately, you will make the right decision for you. However, you want to include your current sister-in-law in that process to a certain extent so that she can see you are not excluding her and that you truly value your relationship with her.

      Also, if you are willing, pray about this situation and seek God for guidance on how to respond too.

      I hope that something I’ve shared is helpful.

      Thank you and God bless you!

  • Vic
    August 20, 2020

    Good morning I’m currently going through some issues with my wife. We have been married for 8 years . Our relationship is great. Our conflicts are our kids she has now a 14 years old daughter my kids are 17 boy and 16 girl. My boy doesn’t live with us my girl suffers from minor bipolar disorder. She currently been treated for it abroad with my parent. However my wife gave me an ultimatum that I have to buy another house and not speak to any of my family member’s. Including my daughter and son . I’m heartbroken for her decision I already told her don’t make me choose between my kids n u. But she feels that she sacrificed been here coming from other country to be with me and that I should do the same sacrifice. I’m lost heartbroken I believe we will be going our separate ways soon please any advice can be helpful

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