47: Essentials for Healing from the Pain Caused by Parental Favoritism

Every parent loves their children.


However, there are many parents who show favoritism.


Whether the favoritism is unintentional or intentional, it can have a lasting impact on their children.

If you are a parent who wants to know how to avoid showing favoritism or you want to repair the damage from showing favoritism…


Or if you are a child who has been impacted by a parent showing favoritism, you must listen to the latest podcast featuring Tonjie Reese and Pete Sapper, ‘Essentials for Healing from the Pain Caused by Parental Favoritism’:



If you know someone who can benefit from this podcast, please share it with them by pressing ‘click to tweet’ below.


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Episode Title: Essentials for Healing from the Pain Caused by Parental Favoritism


Guests: Tonjie ReeseFollow Her on Twitter * Pete SapperFollow Him on Twitter


Music: Adia feat. Sean Simmonds – Rags to Riches



  • Whatever benefit that is manifested out of favoritism is outweighed tremendously by the downsides of it.” – Pete Sapper


  • “Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, that no one is going to give you credit for.” – Pete Sapper


  • “What we spend time with is what we love.” – Pete Sapper


  • “When a child isn’t given the love they need at home, they do find it in different places.” – Tonjie Reese


  • “The starting point of all change and all transformation is acceptance.” – Pete Sapper


Key Lessons:

  • The importance of a parent to place their child’s happiness above their own
  • How a parent can become aware of whether or not they are showing favoritism
  • How parents can avoid showing favoritism
  • How a parent can begin to repair the damage caused by showing favoritism
  • How to disclose to a parent that they may be favoring one of their children, without them getting defensive or thinking that you’re attacking their ability as a parent


Hot Topics & Takeaways:

  • How shared personality traits can lead a parent to favor one child over their others
  • Signs that a parent may be showing favoritism…without even realizing it
  • How favoritism may be balanced, if children are raised in a two parent home
  • How to minimize the effects of favoritism
  • Tonjie and Pete explain why it’s never too late for parents and children to restore a damaged relationship


Dangers and Difficulties:

  • The dangers of a parent verbally stating that they favor a certain child
  • The downfall of trying to raise a child to be everything the parent wasn’t
  • Pete shares the effects of parenting on “autopilot”
  • Ways in which a child can develop the courage to share with their parent that they feel like they favor their sibling more than them


Experience is the Best Teacher:

  • Tonjie shares how things changed in her household after her family became blended
  • Tonjie explains why it is vital for a parent to have one-on-one time with their child


Hold Yourself Accountable:

Regardless of the level of love you feel your parents may have for you, always love yourself and know that you are valuable.


Apply the Principles:

“Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” Genesis 1:26 (NKJV)


“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14 (NKJV)


Take Action Now:

  1. Acknowledge that your Heavenly Father loves you.
  2. Make a conscious decision to remind yourself each day that you are loved and valued by God.
  3. Write down and set a goal to remember the two Kingdom principles I shared with you.
  4. Know that before you can address your parents level of love for you, it’s imperative that you have stored in your heart and committed to memory what your Heavenly Father has said about you in His Word.
  5. Be reminded that our Heavenly Father is immutable and His Word is eternal; therefore, all the wonderful things He says about you and the love He has for you will never change nor end.


Show Some Love:

Please leave me a comment or a private message answering the following questions:

Do you believe the majority of parents are conscious or aware that they are showing one child favoritism over the others?


  • Destiny's Truth
    September 23, 2014

    Jay, want to say another great discuss with Tonje Reese and Peter Sapper. I plan to visit both their websites or twitters and leave a comment about this show. This month’s series has been ministering to me because of some very deep family issues that I am resolving within myself.

    I do not believe initially the majority of parents are conscious that they are showing one child favoritism over the others, but some parents have learned to use this ungodly conduct to manipulate their children. For instance, one child is very compliant and does everything they can to please their parents and the other child may be rebellious. The parent will use favors and making comparisons to change the conduct of the rebellious child. If this results in the outcome the parent desires, they will adopt this dysfunctional conduct as a way of controlling the child they favor least. This will then create friction between the siblings. The siblings will have to be mature enough to recognize what their parent is doing is wrong and resign to loving their siblings, in spite of the negative environment fueled by their parent.

    Unfortunately in most instance, the parents are not aware of what they are doing and are just repeated a cycle of conduct their parents used. I know it was the presence of God in my life, very early on, that caused me to question every aspect of my parents conduct. They taught me what was right and wrong in God’s view, and if they did something wrong and I felt it disrespectful to say so, I would make a conscious effort to insure that the opposite outcome was the result on my part and make a note that when I became a parent I would not repeat their mistakes. I recognize that parenting is not easy and like Pete stated, it is a thankless job, but as Tonje said it is never to late to right a wrong.

    Jay, there were so many wonderful things you and your guests stated and I will truly be checking out the show notes, even though I listened to the podcast in it’s entirety. God bless

    • Jay
      September 23, 2014

      Wow! I am so happy to hear that you not only enjoyed this discussion, but that the entire series this month has been a blessing to you. I give all the glory to God!

      You make an excellent point and have provided some outstanding examples! It’s sad when parents manipulate and try to control their children. It can be extremely damaging and have long-term negative effects, not only on the children but the entire family.

      I agree with you, Tonjie and Pete. Parenting is far from easy, but with God parents can definitely succeed at raising their children right.

      Thanks so much for all of your continued love and support Destiny! It truly means more to me than you could possibly begin to imagine.

      God bless you!

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