In this episode of the MenChat series, Jay, Shane Paul Neil and Mr. CEO will address the question: How do men and women differ when it comes to how they deal with their exes?
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SHOW NOTES
Episode Title: How Men Deal With Exes (Part 1)
Guests:
Quotables:
- “Women are emotional, but men are more cerebral.” – Mr. CEO
- “When folks say they want closure, it’s generally for them and has nothing to do with you.” – Shane Paul Neil
- “If you’re going to break up…break up! You go your way and I’ll go mine.” – Mr. CEO
Questions We Address and Answer:
- How do men and women differ when it comes to how they deal with their exes?
- How do men deal with a relationship that’s coming to an end?
- Do the majority of men cut ties completely with their exes or do they tend to keep them as a fall back option?
- How often do men compare their exes to the next?
Key Lessons and Takeaways:
- How men mourn relationships that are coming to an end.
- Why seeking closure from an ex long after a break up can be selfish.
Experiences:
- Shane explains how he gets over a woman before the relationship officially ends.
- Shane tells about the ex-girlfriend who tried to reenter his life 8 years after they broke up.
- Shane opens up about being serial monogamous.
- Jay explains how he determines when it’s time for him to cut ties completely with an ex.
- The danger of comparing the person you’re with to your ex.
Book Recommendations:
- Get Past Your Break Up by Susan J. Elliott (Get the audio book FREE!)
- How to Break Your Addiction to a Person by Howard Halpern
- It’s Called a Break Up Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt (Get the audio book FREE!)
- Suffering in Silence by Cornelius Lindsey
Free Resource:
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September 18, 2015
Interesting Men Chat. I respectfully disagree about the closure thing. I like closure, but I’ve learned to get as much of it as I can in the breakup discussion. I even say, ‘This is probably the only chance I’ll get to ask this . . . ” Sometimes I ask, sometimes I don’t. It’s easier for me to get over it if I ask my questions. Do the answers matter? Sometimes. It’s just important to me that I ask. Then I can call it closed.
Sometimes you don’t get closure. That’s the worst! But I’ve learned to get it on my own. However you get it, I think it’s important.
I’ll never understand the suffering in silence thing. Look at me, I wrote three paragraphs! Silent, I am not. I know why men hate starting difficult conversations, but it’s necessary for me. I’ve learned to read a man’s body language and actions. I know when when a man I’m dating is unhappy. I’ve learned to just call him out on that and we break up. And guess what? It’s so much easier if you are the one to bring it up when you want to. Then I’m like a guy. I’ve thought, bargained, wrestled and accepted: all before I’ve said a word to him. I don’t think this is always a fair way, but it’s far, far less painful than being blindsided.
September 19, 2015
Hey Autumn!
Thank you so much for listening and sharing your thoughts.
Closure isn’t guaranteed. Ideally, it’s best not to expect it.
Suffering in silence is a reality for a lot of men, myself included at times.
I thank God that I’ve learned the importance of communication, especially when it comes to having some of the tougher discussions.
It’s not always easy to do, but it is necessary.
I appreciate you sharing your honest perspective.
I pray that all is well with you.
Thank you for your continued support and God bless you!
September 23, 2015
WAA BOP! I don’t know what that was either but it made me laugh.
Anyways, I made the mistake of holding on to an ex and believing my coochie catnip (reference stolen from VSB) will keep him coming back. Little did I know it was truly over and he had moved on. I was only fooling myself and making myself available to be used.
The conversation was helpful and I’m looking forward to getting a closer look into what men truly think about women and relationships.
September 23, 2015
That’s what I’m talking about San! I’m glad my silly WAA BOP made you laugh.
I want to thank you so much for taking the time to not only listen to the podcast, but to leave a comment sharing your personal experience and thoughts too.
I truly respect your honesty and transparency.
I’m curious, when did you realize he had moved on?
Also, I want you to know that you are valuable and don’t deserve to be used by any man. You’re a queen.
It brings me joy to know that you found the discussion helpful. I hope that you’ll check out some of the other episodes of the podcast and find value in them too.
You can expect a shout out on an upcoming episode for leaving a comment.
Thank you for your continued support and God bless you!
September 23, 2015
To answer your question regarding when did I realize he had moved on?
I would say after I’d saw the pattern of him “re-entering” that circle between me (his ex) and his current girlfriend at that time.
I foolishly thought we would work out (or as your guest put it my catnip was magic) when he would come complaining on my shoulder about the next. To only see the cycle of when we would clash he went crying to her about me. Thats when I knew (from listening to the part two of this topic on your show) that he had me right where he wanted. Basically, he didn’t want to be with me but in the same breath didn’t want me to be with anyone else either.
September 24, 2015
Wow! I truly appreciate your willingness to answer my question and share what happened. Thank you!