13: Why Aren’t Men Ready to Date Exclusively?

You’ve been dating for awhile now.

 

Things are going great.

 

You both like each other…A LOT!

 

Now, you’re ready to take things to the next level and enter into an exclusive relationship…

 

…BUT your partner isn’t ready!

 

What should you do?

 

Why aren’t they ready?

 

If you’d like to know the answer to those questions, you must listen to the latest episode of the Listen Up Ladies series. Not only do I share my insight, but I also address the questions from a woman’s perspective with Miriam.

 

DOWNLOAD THIS EPISODE

If you know someone who can benefit from this please share it with them, by pressing ‘click to tweet’ below.

 

 

SHOW NOTES

 

Episode Title: Why Aren’t Men Ready to Date Exclusively?

 

Guest: MiriamFollow Her on Twitter

 

Music: Rochelle Jordan – Lowkey

 

Quotable:

“Every woman wants to feel like her man looks at her and feels like she is his dream girl.” – Miriam

 

Key Lessons:

  • Why men will hesitate to enter into a relationship in order to keep their options open
  • Reasons to think twice before entering into a relationship

 

Hot Topics & Takeaways:

  • Determining whether a month is too soon to enter into a relationship
  • Dating multiple people at one time
  • Commitment vs Relationship: Are they one in the same or should they come as a package deal?
  • Jay must address another Salma Hayek hypothetical

 

Insight & Action Steps:

  1. Take time to think about the things that go into being in a relationship
  2. Take time to think about what would happen if you decided to wait and not enter into a relationship
  3. Answer these questions BEFORE entering into a relationship
  4. Have a discussion with your partner and share with them how you feel
  5. Allow your partner to share with you how they feel and listen attentively to what they have to say
  6. Make a decision together as to what the next step should be for you both

 

Apply the Principles:

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2(NIV)

 

Show Some Love:

Please leave me a comment or a private message answering the following question:

Is 30 days too soon to enter into a relationship?

  • Autumn

    I’m with
    Miriam. I don’t think it can take be too soon or too long. It really
    depends on the situation. I don’t really think there is some specific
    ‘time’ there needs to be to enter a relationship. Thirty days can be
    too soon in some situations and just right in others. It’s not
    really about the time for me but how things progress emotionally during
    the time.

    Every woman wants
    to be a man’s dream woman. If we’re not, it’s time to go. Seriously.
    Wouldn’t he just drop a woman he’s ‘dating’ when the dream woman came along anyway?

    “If I’m just dating someone, I don’t have to try.”

    I
    think people have to try. I can’t see why a man trying and it failing
    is bad. It’s messy and uncomfortable, but it’s practice that people need
    to do sometimes.

    It’s weird. It’s
    like men deliberately don’t want to fall in love with a woman. Yes, it
    hurts if it doesn’t work out. But people heal.

    Gosh, I
    wrote this while listening. But Miriam covers it all. Your female
    guests definitely represent what women think and feel.

    It’s
    so interesting in both podcasts, men seem to feel okay in dating
    situations that aren’t serious for a much longer time than a woman
    generally is. But sometimes I wonder if the worry about discomfort of
    getting out a relationship keeps a man from entering a great
    relationship in the first place

    The worry about a breakup
    never stopped me. I never even thought of that! I worry more about
    being 70 and being alone because I was too worried earlier to really try. That
    thought keeps me trying. 🙂

  • Autumn

    I’m with Miriam. I don’t think it can take be too soon or too long. It really
    depends on the situation. I don’t really think there is some specific
    ‘time’ there needs to be to enter a relationship. Thirty days can be
    too soon in some situations and just right in others. It’s not
    really about the time for me but how things progress emotionally during
    the time.

    Every woman wants to be a man’s dream woman. If we’re not, it’s time to go. Seriously.
    Wouldn’t he just drop a woman he’s ‘dating’ when the dream woman came along anyway?

    “If I’m just dating someone, I don’t have to try.”

    I think people have to try. I can’t see why a man trying and it failing
    is bad. It’s messy and uncomfortable, but it’s practice that people need
    to do sometimes.

    It’s weird. It’s like men deliberately don’t want to fall in love with a woman. Yes, it
    hurts if it doesn’t work out. But people heal.

    Gosh, I wrote this while listening. But Miriam covers it all. Your female
    guests definitely represent what women think and feel.

    It’s so interesting in both podcasts this month, men seem to feel okay in dating
    situations that aren’t serious for a much longer time than a woman
    generally is. But sometimes I wonder if the worry about discomfort of
    getting out a relationship keeps a man from entering a great
    relationship in the first place

    The worry about a breakup never stopped me. I never even thought of that! I worry more about
    being 70 and being alone because I was too worried earlier to really try. That
    thought keeps me trying. 🙂

    • Jay

      Hey Autumn! Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and sharing your thoughts. I truly appreciate that.

      I agree that every situation is unique and there isn’t a set time period that can be placed on when it’s time to enter into a relationship. Like you stated, 30 days may be too soon for some and just right for others. It all depends on the dynamic of the friendship/relationship.

      Personally, I do believe that if I was just dating a woman (meaning I have not committed to her or entered into an exclusive relationship with her) and another woman came along who I deemed as my ‘dream woman’ and we started dating, I would be far more likely to enter into a relationship with my ‘dream woman'(if she was ready too) and shut things down with the other woman.

      I am so glad to hear that you feel like the women who have been guests on the podcast are doing a great job at representing the perspectives, thoughts and feelings of most women. That is truly a blessing.

      Honestly, I believe what Miriam said about people only not being ready for a relationship when they aren’t truly into a person that much, at that point in time. I can’t speak for everyone, but if I really like a woman and she really likes me, we’re likely going to enter into a relationship. Especially, if we’ve had enough time to get to know one another better. It would just make sense to me. However, if I’m not really feeling a woman like that, I’m definitely more likely to move slower.

      I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. Thank you so much for sharing them!

      • Autumn

        Your response really clarifies things. So I’m back to what Miriam says, why do the just ‘dating’ thing? For me, I can’t see what I get out of it. Okay, if I’m not ready for something serious, a string of first or second dates is fine. Might even just be fun! But if I want a relationship (in general), then I think just dating for months on end with no exclusivity in sight won’t lead to where I want to go.

        If a man is hesitating between the 4 and 8 week mark, he’s not that into a woman. Might want her sexually, but other than that, probably not. He even may be trying make it work and may just want some temporary non-sexual companionship. But if a woman is his dream woman, he’ll be okay with going into a relationship during that time. So interesting. As a woman, I don’t date a guy beyond date 2 unless I think he has dream man potential. It’s a lesson for me because if I don’t think so around the same 4 – 8 week timing, he probably isn’t.

        This is good to know! Saves time. I hope other people weigh in as well!

        • Jay

          I’m glad my response provided some additional perspective.

          Personally, I’m fine with dating, talking and developing a friendship with a woman for a few weeks or even months. That’s because I’m not in a rush to get into a relationship and I would clearly, directly and verbally communicate that to her.

          That’s why I believe it’s important to have open communication and talk about what’s expected, wanted and each person’s timeline…before entering into a relationship. That will get to the root of whether or not they should continue to pursue things or put a stop to it and not waste each others time.

    • 30thoughts

      Thank you, Autumn. I’m glad you echo my sentiments. I think dating is much too complicated these days, when for me now, the concept is simple. If he’s into you, he’ll show it through exclusivity. If he still wants to play the field after meeting an amazing woman, either he’s an idiot or you’re not so amazing to him, in which case, you should probably move on after a certain amount of time.

      • Jay

        That’s really talk Miriam!

        Thank you so much for taking the time to swing by and reply to Autumn’s comment. That means more to me than you know.

        Thanks again and I look forward to working with you again soon!

      • Autumn

        Thank you for replying back personally, Miriam. Don’t be a stranger around here! I hope more people come by and comment!

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  • it’s true all situations are different so to give any specific advice about the length of time between dating and relationships is somewhat misleading. gauge the situation for yourself and take responsibility for whatever happens after. Personally i prefer to date one person at a time but i have done the multiple thing before as well. my only advice is to take your time, LISTEN carefully to what the person is saying and follow your instinct. 30 days is too short for me but i’m not the one asking the question am i

    • Jay

      Thank you so much for taking the time out to listen to the podcast and share your thoughts K. Andre. I appreciate it more than you know.

      You hit it out of the park with this statement, “gauge the situation for yourself and take responsibility for whatever happens after.” That’s TRUTH!

      I’m with you, I’ve tried the multiple women at a time thing and it’s not for me. I prefer to place my focus on one woman at a time.

      This is another gem that you shared too, “take your time, LISTEN carefully to what the person is saying and follow your instinct.” That’s REAL man!

      I see you’re in the same boat as me. I still feel like 30 days is too soon.