12: Signs You’re Moving Too Fast

The pace of your relationship is important.


Moving too fast can be dangerous…


…For you and your partner.


To avoid the mistake of moving too fast or to learn how you can readjust the pace of your relationship, you must listen to the podcast episode, ‘Signs You’re Moving Too Fast’:



If you know someone who can benefit from this, whether they are single or in a relationship, please share it with them.


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Episode Title: Signs You’re Moving Too Fast


Guests: CourtneyFollow Her on Twitter * Mike B.Follow Him on Twitter


Music: Jade Alston – More Than Friends * Nico & Vinz – Am I Wrong



  • “If we ain’t going to Applebees 2 of $20 and we going to Ruth Chris…I love you boo! “ – Mike B.


  • “Moving too fast is like being in the same book, but somebody may be a chapter ahead of you.” – Courtney


  • “Lotion is important. ALWAYS wear lotion.” – Courtney


  • “I’m not going to mess with you just because you’re cute and I want some. I’m going to mess with you because I do like you, I have feelings for you and I hope we have feelings for each other.” – Courtney


  • “I’m not going to sit there and express my feelings. Honestly, you have to say something to me FIRST!” – Courtney


  • “Keep your friends OUT of your business. Point blank. Period.” – Courtney


  • “I want to enjoy the moment of being engaged, before I decide to to tell people. Let me tell people! I don’t need Facebook or Instagram to know I did it.” – Courtney


  • “To me, being in a relationship and having some type of bond with that woman was more important than just getting the drawls.” – Jay


  • “Message to the young girls: Just because you sleep with him doesn’t mean he’s going to be with you.” – Courtney


Key Lessons:

  •  Pumping your brakes on using the “L-word” is MUST
  • Determining the best pace for your relationship
  • How to reduce outside influences on your relationship


Hot Topics & Takeaways:

  • How to avoid catching feelings
  • Expressing how you feel about someone too soon can be a TURN OFF
  • 6 Month Proposal: CRAZY or COOL?
  • Sex vs Relationship: Which is more highly valued?


Dangers & Difficulties:

  • Giving up the drawls will never KEEP a man around
  • Social media is one of the main culprits that keeps people from truly getting to know one another


Experience is the Best Teacher:

  •  Courtney explains how she completely erases exes out of her memory
  • Courtney believes that CONSTANTLY asking questions can help people from getting their feelings hurt and ensure that both partners are on the same page


Fun Times & Stories:

  •  Mike shares about the woman he dated who’s family was ALWAYS around when they were together


Hold Yourself Accountable:

You can either allow someone to dictate the pace of your relationship for you or you can acknowledge the control you have and make a choice to not move faster, or even slower, than you are comfortable, capable or ready to move.


If the person you’re interested in dating or are already in a relationship with can’t respect your need to move at a different pace, you may need to reevaluate if that’s someone who you are properly aligned with and should remain with.


Apply the Principles:

“But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” Romans 8:25(ESV)


Take Action Now:

  1.  Determine if you’re comfortable with the current pace of your relationship
  2.  Examine why you would like to change the pace of your relationship
  3.  Discuss the current pace of your relationship with your partner and share with them why you feel that pace isn’t right for you and/or the relationship. Be honest!
  4.  Allow your partner to share how they feel about the current pace of the relationship. Listen attentively to them!
  5. Make a decision to either continue at the current pace, change the pace or discuss other possible options (preferably with your partner). However, if you know that you two are not properly aligned, you must do what’s best for you.


Show Some Love:

Please leave me a comment or a private message answering the following question:

What signs let you know that you’re moving too fast in a relationship?


  • emilyjanegilbert
    June 4, 2014

    I’m with Courtney on erasing them out of your memory. For lack of a better term I acted like a ho when I was 20-21. One guy came up to me a few years later and I had no clue who he was. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him, and then he’s all WE HOOKED UP. Like really? When? IT WAS BAD. Even in my “ratchet” days chances were good that if I slept you with right after meeting you I promptly got rid of them- because I didn’t take them seriously (or myself). I was just all “whatever”. Sex has never been special to me.. and I can’t blame anyone but myself. Despite being celibate for 2-2.5 years I still feel “whatever” towards it. I can’t even honestly say that I stopped doing it for God- – I mostly just don’t want a baby daddy #2 or mess around with the wrong dude and get an STD or something.

    I’ve never been one to rush a relationship, but I’ve been with guys who wanted me to be their main chick immediately, or they had feelings for me that I didn’t reciprocate… one guy was all Jesus happy and told me I was going to be his wife *insert hysterical laughter*. He knew me for all of a week (before i ran away). Unlike a lot of women I don’t catch feelings easily… mostly I don’t trust people (that isn’t good either), if I felt myself starting to catch them I would stop entertaining my feelings/imaginations/ideas and just back off. The only person I didn’t was my son’s dad and you see how well that worked for me ;).

    I’ve been guilty of saying “I love you” back too soon. I didn’t love them, but because they said it to me, and to avoid an argument I just would say it back… I was so stupid once upon a time 😉 At least most of us learn.

    • Jay
      June 4, 2014

      Wow Emily! You know I absolutely LOVE your honesty and transparency!

      Oh my! Dude actually said you were going to be his wife?! That is doing and saying THE MOST! lol I totally cosign you putting on the running shows and getting the heck outta there!

      I can relate to turning feelings off. It’s not healthy, but it is something I’ve practiced before.

      In your experience, have you never been one to fall quickly or get caught up in your feelings or was it something you trained yourself to do over time?

      Emily, you are not the only one who’s done silly things in your past. I believe we all have had at least one of those types of experiences. The key is that we learn from them, you know?

      • emilyjanegilbert
        June 4, 2014

        After I wrote the comment I was thinking this may be too much TMI, but aye if there is someone out there who thought and did things how I did, maybe they’ll realize what a huge time waster it is to behave that way.

        Yah that guy was a bit nuts .. fortunately for him he found a different girl was desperate to be married too and it all worked out well for him LOL.

        After my first love (dated him in high school through 19-20) off and on cheated on me and got another girl pregnant I was mad at the world, men, God.. everything & everyone. Much of who I THOUGHT I was– was wrapped in him.. which is horrifying given how young I was. So after that I just always had a chip on my shoulder and was like “f*ck it” & decided to get attention as I saw fit. It’s ridiculous looking back now, but at that time it was a HUGE deal. I got drunk all the time, did it with people randomly, and got high A LOT. Basically I was directionless, in emotional pain, felt worthless and didn’t know how to overcome it or what to do – after awhile it became habit/lifestyle.

        • emilyjanegilbert
          June 4, 2014

          basically i didn’t get attached to guys, because i figured they’d leave me anyway or cheat. Then about the time baby dad came into the picture I left my guard down (and I specifically felt God tell me to let him go), and then created an even bigger mess for myself, but having my son turned out to be the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. & I knew my son deserved a mother who wasn’t behaving badly so I changed. Just like that. & I’ve been so blessed in 3 years emotionally, finacially, EVERYTHING. GAH okay I’m done talking too much 😀

          • Jay
            June 4, 2014

            You are such a sweetheart Emily!

            Thank you so much for sharing more insight into your personal experience. I have no doubt in my mind that it will benefit someone who reads it.

            It sounds like you went from one extreme to another. Once again, I can relate to that. The key really is to find balance…and that goes for every aspect of our lives.

            I am so glad that you’ve reached a point where you truly know who you are, are in control of your life and truly at peace.

            Plus, your son undoubtedly is a blessing and he changed your life for the better! That is so amazing!

  • Jay
    June 4, 2014

    YES! You are so right about communication being the key Don. I couldn’t agree with you more.

    I’m so glad that you pointed out that it goes beyond just talking, but it also requires listening too.

    I believe that’s the aspect most people miss.

    Also, like you stated, being on the same page is so important. If a couple isn’t, they are bound to face challenges at some point or another.

    Thank you so much for taking the time out to listening to the podcast and I truly appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experience too!

  • Autumn
    June 4, 2014

    Great podcast! You all sounded so comfortable and friendly together. And I always appreciate Courtney comments because she is always right on point. I’m glad she asked you guys the questions that I would have asked, honestly!

    Timely topic but despite all the action steps I still am trying to figure out what to do with pacing. I’m an impatient person by nature. You might notice I usually listen to podcasts the day they come out, I write a comment or e-mail right away. Impatient. Or just fast. In love, I fall fast. Not the full love, but the beginning stages. It happens for me within two months or it’s not going to happen at all.

    My main thing is I’m learning to accept who I am. I can slow down actions, but I’m not slowing down feelings. I’m learning I don’t have to act on every feeling. But it’s okay to feel it. When I shut down feelings, well, that becomes a habit. I can’t always turn them on and off like a faucet.

    “Is it fair for you to be doing serious-type stuff if you’re not serious?” BEST QUESTION EVER. I totally need to be as upfront as Courtney was with Mike with a man I’m dating. I’m usually not because men are usually so far behind me emotionally, that I just wait for them and don’t say anything at first. In my experience, they just don’t know much that early.

    It’s fascinating from Mike’s answer that some men only feel
    comfortable developing feelings after sex. But sometimes they don’t
    develop those feelings at all, sex or no. It can be hard to know the difference between someone taking their time and someone who doesn’t feel it and isn’t going to.

    For me? I think I need to find some men more in touch with their feelings early on. Then the pacing will be easier. Those men are rare finds, but they have to be out there somewhere. It’s probably best to find someone who is already what you need, rather than hoping the person/people you do find become what you need.

    But it’s a rare find. While I look, I’m focusing on slowing my actions and really waiting to see how things pans out. And if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I also have to be more quick to let it go if it’s not right.

    • Jay
      June 4, 2014

      This is a great comment Autumn!

      First, I would like to say that I’m so glad you enjoyed the discussion. The rapport that Courtney, Mike and I have is definitely amazing. I believe a lot of that has to do with how open and candid they are.

      I am so glad that Courtney asked us the questions that you wanted the answers to.

      You’re right, finding the right pace in a relationship is challenging. I shared in the email I sent earlier today that it’s something I’ve struggled with in the past. I still don’t think I’ve perfected my pacing, but I do have a much better handle on it.

      I know some people may advise you to suppress your feelings, but I know from experience that isn’t a permanent solution. Continue to feel the way you feel, regardless of how soon you may feel that way.

      I would just suggest that you take more time to ensure that you’re feeling that way for the right reasons. I know, personally, I used to fall quickly because I was caught up in a woman’s exterior or fascinated with something in the moment. Most of those relationships or situations were short-lived as a result of that.

      You’re on the right track. Learn more about yourself. Love yourself first and foremost. Then give yourself time to truly get to know the man you are interested in. Like you stated, it may take time before he crosses your path, but that shouldn’t deter you from being prepared. You know?

      The thing with people not feeling strongly about someone and still being willing to have sex with them is extremely dangerous, especially for the other person. That is why I believe it is vital for a couple to be on the same page. Doing so can minimize the risk of being hurt because you didn’t realize the other person wasn’t invested emotionally.

      Continue to remain positive, hopeful and focused on yourself. That is a great start Autumn!

      Thank you again for such an honest and thought provoking comment.

      • Autumn
        June 4, 2014

        It’s all so interesting. I do wonder why I start feeling the way I do. Since it’s what’s inside that attracts me more than looks, if what I perceive is real my feelings are for the real person. The reason I’m holding back on acting on it (not meaning sex, btw, but saying anything or overly investing) is while my feelings or beginning feelings are based on something that may be sound, the guy usually way, way behind me on that. But it’s hard to be sure of yourself and then wait for the other person to become sure. I do think people should be on the same page all along the way. Like your guests said it takes a lot of talking!

        I do love myself first. Always have. 🙂 I think if things don’t work out with me and a guy it’s because we each have stuff to figure out on our own. Pacing also means being in the same place in life. Not age-wise but self-awareness wise. Yes, that’s it! I guess I’m very self-aware and open about that. But it’s hard to find really open and self aware folks. It’s a lot of work to do on yourself.

        But that’s who I need to find. The work has to be done or in progress when we meet. That’s exactly the issue I’ve been trying to figure out. I assume by a certain age people have worked themselves. It can take a long time for me to figure out if they have or not.

        I gotta try and keep that impatience under wraps. 🙂 It’s not easy. Thanks for your encouragement!

        • Jay
          June 4, 2014

          No problemo!

          You’re a step ahead of most, whether you realize it or not, because you know what you want.

          I truly believe that’s half the battle.

          Continue to remain positive and be prepared when an open and self aware man crosses your path.

          I know you can do it!

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