28: The Way We Think About Quick Sex

What do men and women think about quick sex?


Do they think differently?


Do they think the same?


What do you think?


Don’t think too hard about it, because the answer awaits you.


Listen to the latest episode of The Way We Think and find out right now whether men and women think differently or the same about quick sex.



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Episode Title: The Way We Think About Quick Sex


The Guests:



  • “If she was willing to have sex with me, then apparently that told me, I was the guy she wanted to be with and have sex with all the time.” – Kyle Bradford


  • “Real men respect a woman’s mind, more than he does her body.” – Mel


  • “Men view sex as much about conquest, as it is about the physical act itself.” – Kyle Bradford


  • “Establish a friendship first. Don’t just jump into the sex.” – Mel


  • “When you have sex before marriage, it’ll keep you from being as intimate as you can be.” – Keaton


Show Some Love:

Please leave a comment or a private message answering the following question:

Do you believe men and women think differently or the same about quick sex?


  • Autumn
    July 25, 2014

    The Way We Think. Gosh. It’s a difficult podcast for me with so many different voices. All important but it’s hard for me to keep them all straight. And they were all saying such thoughtful comments! I think I’m getting fatigued with writing about sex so much! Hope I’m not repeating myself but I have a couple of thoughts.

    Not all women get emotional about sex. And not all women have sex to keep a man. I didn’t. I had sex because I really, really, really wanted to. I had se xnot to keep him but to keep *me* in the relationship. But I have learned something. That’s not the best reason to have sex, because you might lose something even if it’s not the guy.

    That’s an interesting leap for me. Now I’m trying to convince myself whether the fact that I really, really, really wanted to is reason enough. 🙂 I am a creature of the moment, Jay! And after listening this month I just think, welp, I’m going to be single a long, long time. I was picky before but now . . . it’s like looking for a needle in a million haystacks. Or having the needle look in a million for you.

    Also: when I have sex with it takes way more time than ten minutes! Wow.

    I do think men and women think differently about quick sex. But I’m talking about quick in minutes, not time before sex! LOL. Sorry, I had to have some levity in this series. Ten minutes should not be the standard is all I’m saying. Men, you can go ahead and weigh in on that!

    • Jay
      July 26, 2014

      “I think I’m getting fatigued with writing about sex so much!”

      That comment made me chuckle Autumn. lol We will soon be transitioning out of sex and into our next series. I am really excited about it!

      You make a good point about ‘losing something’ when we decide to have sex for the wrong reasons.

      I can understand why you may think it will be difficult to find the person you’re going to be with. However, I think your perspective on it plays a role too. If you keep saying, thinking and believing it’s going to be “a long, long time” before you meet that person…it’s likely that it really will be.

      Our words, thoughts and beliefs are so powerful. If you don’t want it to be or take “a long, long time” before you meet the person who is right for you, try not to say, think and believe that. Say to yourself, God and others that I know the day is coming “soon” when I will meet the person who is right for me. Think to yourself and truly believe in your spirit that you will meet that person “sooner and NOT later”.

      I know it can be different to change our words, thoughts, beliefs and perspectives, but it is possible and it can make a HUGE difference in what we experience and receive.

      LOL! The “time” aspect opens up an entirely different can of worms.

      • Autumn
        July 26, 2014

        I am getting fatigued! Not sure if I have much else to say about sex. I do think you did a thorough job of discussing it and I’m curious about the next series.

        One thing to remember about me is that I’m not patient by nature. I like things to happen quickly (not just talking about sex but everything). In order to train myself to be patient, I
        have to think long term. I have to put it out there and in my brain or I’ll just keep on rushing through things.

        A long, long time is not necessarily a bad thing. I have some work to do on my own. But if
        ‘soon’ to me means a matter of weeks and I don’t want to set myself up on that timeline!

        I’m taking a break. If someone comes along . . . who knows. I know I will meet hiim someday. I do honestly think the pool I’m looking in is smaller. And that’s good to know too because then I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with me or my standards, just fewer people out there that will meet them.

        This is what we’ve been discussing for a long time on RTRL, right? Patience, having
        standards, working on one’s self. It does take time. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Rushing certainly hasn’t worked for me so I don’t mind trying something new.

        I wish someone would weigh in on the ten-minute sex thing! Last chance before Monday!

        • Jay
          July 26, 2014

          I can totally understand that and it’s good that you know yourself well enough to know how best to present and go about things.

          That’s a good point. It all depends on what your perception of ‘soon’ is, in relation to ‘a long, long time’.

          Nah…there isn’t anything at all wrong with having standards or ‘fishing’ in a smaller pool/pond. The ultimate goal is to be with someone who is right for you and who you are right for too.

          Yes, we have been discussing patience and the importance of standards at length and it’s very important. However, it’s definitely a process, especially if patience doesn’t come easy for some of us.

          Honestly, when it comes to time and sex, I’ve never been a clock watcher or been that concerned with it.

          What may seem short can still be a good experience. What may seem look may actually be short, but still a good experience. At the end of the day, I’ve only ever been concerned with the experience, not how long it lasted.

  • Destiny's Truth
    July 26, 2014

    Another great episode of “The Way We Think”. All your guest were very insightful, but Kyle really presented some great insight on how men think about sex from many age ranges and the mindset that drives men to believe that it validates their manhood. He made some very serious points, and I like how he framed his responses as a father and not as just a man.

    I liked how Courtney stated that she takes decisions about sex very seriously and I had to laugh when she said it would be nearly a year before she would consider having sex.

    Mel’s candor about her experience having quick sex once with someone she did know for a substantial period of time, yet encouraging others to not do the same reflects her care and concern for others not to experience the difficulties and complexities that comes with that decision. Also, the point that she made that women are the aggressor in quick sex most times, because of the attire they elect to wear is a very unique viewpoint and I had to agree that there are more subtle messages we as women give men about when we want to have sex.

    Jacquez’s answer why he had quick sex was so real, “because we wanted to and was horny”. LOL!

    Rochelle was the female guest I related to most, because we are closer to the same age and from the same era when the views on sex were quite different from the way they are now. She gave a true snapshot of how we valued our bodies then and waited to give ourselves to a man we felt honored and respected us.

    Keaton’s viewpoint about waiting until marriage is the one I currently believe and think it is possible. However, like Kyle said it is preferred but is it hypocritical to expect that of your children if we did not lead by example.

    I felt that the question, how long to wait to be taken seriously in a relationship should one wait before having sex, was an inquiry that all your guest agreed overall…. until them and their partner are mutually ready and know each other well enough.

    I believe that based upon the answers given by your guest that men and women do think differently about quick sex. Yet, it was enjoyable to see how each mind worked and how their life experiences impacted their current views. Great show!

    • Jay
      July 30, 2014

      Hey Destiny! I am so glad that you enjoyed the answers that the guest provided.

      I agree. Kyle shared a lot of valuable insights.

      I totally like and respect the fact that Courtney doesn’t just give her treasure away easily. That’s something more women need to start doing, in my opinion.

      Yes, Mel was very honest and transparent. I really like that about her.

      Oh yeah! Jacquez kept it 100!

      I’m so glad that Rochelle held it down for you and the ladies from your generation. Her answers truly added lots of value

      I also agree with Keaton’s answer and like you stated, Kyle makes parents think twice about how they will address that topic. Personally, I don’t think just because a parent had sex before marriage that they can’t advise their child to wait, especially if they share with the child that the focus should be on pleasing God and not them, as the parent.

      I really enjoyed all of the varied answers and walks of life too. It made for a great show!

      Thank you again for listening Destiny!

  • Mel
    August 2, 2014

    I would like to thank everyone for taking the time out to listen to the podcast. It definitely means a lot to not only myself, but to Jay and the rest of the guest. I could honestly say that after listening to the whole podcast, I have gained more insight from the other guests viewpoints. This podcast allowed me to grow spiritually and mentally, and I hope it helped most of you as well. Once again Jay, thank you for having me on the show! Much love to all of you!

    • Jay
      August 2, 2014

      Hey Mel!

      Thank you so much for swinging by to read the amazing comments left by the listeners. I appreciate that more than you know.

      I am so thrilled that the insights the other guests shared were beneficial and a blessing to you! Look at God at work!

      You’re a very welcome Mel. The pleasure was all mine.

      Much love to you too! God bless you!

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