Single and Alone.
How do men truly feel about it?
FIND OUT NOW!
Listen to the latest episode of MenChat and discover how men truly feel about being single and alone.
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SHOW NOTES
Episode Title: How Men Feel About Being Single and Alone
The Men:
- Chris – Follow Him on Twitter
- John – Follow Him on Twitter – Listen to His Podcast
- J. Patrick Wise – Watch His Webseries
November 17, 2014
It is so interesting that men feel like they have to wait until they have their life ‘ready’ to find a mate. I’m finding that a lot of older men have built this life and they want to just add a woman into it. I’m of the ‘let’s build it together’ mode. I’m not the cherry to be added on top of the sundae, I want to be there to build the sundae from the beginning. Yes, even in my 40s. Also, a man who has been a bachelor long enough to have built something is really not as open as he was before he built his career.
But I know my opinion not going to change anything. Men need to get their money on and that’s what they’re going to do. I can only say when I meet these men who have made their money, I see no room in their lives for me and pass them by. I’d rather be with a man at the beginning.
I have a mini rant about money. Poor people fall in love and get married all the time! Let’s be real. And they stay together or break up, just like those who have made it with their careers. With no house, no car, and very little money. I’m not sure where it came from that you have to have all this ‘stuff’ before you can seriously date someone. My grandmother married at 16 to a farmer in the 1920s. They had little money but a great home and a great family. I’m just getting annoyed that in this day and age we are valuing the wrong things. Yes, you have to feel you are grown and have some–maturity, integrity, commitment–to move forward in a long term relationship. But you don’t have to have a car or all of these ‘things’. That’s not what’s important. At least that’s not what’s important to me. We are losing something very real here these days and I’m sad to see it.
Fear of being alone? I think it differs as you get older. I would have been curious what men 50 and above would have said to that question. I think as one gets closer to the end of life, people feel different. But maybe not as these men seemed rather sure.
I liked the one thing John had on his list: A man should be able to get the word of God on his own, not from the feet of someone else. That says a lot in one sentence. A man or woman has to be able to find their truth and center and not from anywhere outside. The ability to do that? Worth more than any thing you can buy in a store or they can teach you in a school.
November 18, 2014
I agree that a woman shouldn’t just be added like a cherry on top. However, I do believe it is imperative for a man to have a solid foundation established before inviting a woman into his life, especially romantically.
Money is a very small part of the equation, in my opinion. I believe the things a man needs to be able to offer a woman are the essentials: shelter, food, protection/security. By no means do I think that a man has to be a millionaire before finding a wife. However, there are quite a few men, and even some women, who do think that’s a requirement.
I think you’re right about many people having lost sight of what is truly important and what should be valued.
Being able to get the Word of God on our own and not from the feet of someone else is definitely a valuable quality. I couldn’t agree with that more.
Thank you so much for listening and sharing your thoughts and takeaways Autumn. I appreciate it.
November 18, 2014
“I believe the things a man needs to be able to offer a woman are the essentials: shelter, food, protection/security.”
So interesting! I think many men feel the same. But I wonder if they know that a lot of women are raised with the ‘God bless the child who has her own’ mentality. So men are waiting to bring things that a woman already has. I think both partners need to be able to bring these things to the table. Each has to be able to meet their basic needs before they can meet needs of another.
Thinking of my grandmother at 16? I’m sure the community and family helped this young couple out. It’s a shame that we have to wait so long these days to have all those things on our own. I think a new couple still need community and family support, throughout a relationship.
I wish men and women talked more about this early on in a relationship. What is your foundation? Jay, I know you have tons of questions to ask a potential partner but honestly? In the early stages most men I know would be scared off by asking anything deep. So we don’t ask. And by the time we get these answers it can be a bit late. I’ll keep it in mind, though. I really do learn from these discussions!
November 20, 2014
You’re right, many women are raised to have their own. However, that’s where the miscommunication occurs a lot of the time between men and women.
It’s in a man’s nature to be a provider and protector, among other things of course, because that’s how God purposed and designed him. Yet, there are some women who do not understand that a man’s identity are tied to being able to provide and protect a woman and his family.
When some women demonstrate that they don’t need a man to do those things for them, because they’ve got it under control or already done it for themselves, that causes a rift. That can discourage a man and even make him feel as if he has no place and adds no value to the woman’s life.
That is why a lot of men are concerned with having those things in order before entering into a committed relationship with a woman. They want to feel as if they are bringing something to the relationship and to feel like they are needed, appreciated and respected.
I agree that community and family support are necessary. No doubt about it. We can’t do it all on our own…even though some people believe they can or are supposed to.
That’s the key right there Autumn. Men and women must discuss these things with one another. It’s imperative, especially if they desire to build upon a solid foundation.
If a man is scared off by a deep question, the truth is he isn’t the right man. The right man isn’t going to be frightened by those questions. He will be excited and thrilled that you’re asking them, especially if he hasn’t gotten a chance to ask you those questions first. However, that is my personal approach, perspective and opinion.
There is so much to learn. We must be willing to invest the time into having those discussions.
November 20, 2014
It may be a man’s nature to be a provider and protector, but unfortunately many women live without that both as children and adults. So we women have to do for ourselves. It’s not that a woman needs a man; it’s that we want one. Despite how people are driven or designed, it remains a conscious choice to invite a partner into your life. I personally need a man who can answer the deeper questions more than I need a man’s money. I know he needs to do that, so that’s fine. But I definitely need the talks more. That’s the value a man brings to my life. So many men are about the money and providing, but so few can really truly talk about what’s important.
You’re right about the truth being he’s not the right man! The other truth is I don’t always want to know that truth right off. :-/ But I need to ask those questions and really weigh what the guy is telling me. Sigh. I have only met one man who was really thrilled to talk that way and that was years ago. Ask that on a men chat one day: are you thrilled to talk with your woman about the deeper questions of your foundation moving forward? I’d love to hear men answer that. I anticipate them saying, “Sure, with the right woman.” Or, “Sure, if she already has the title.” But the fact is, if she isn’t asking before she has the title, she probably isn’t worthy of it.
And thus I have just shouted out myself! I thank you and singlemomsmile. You guys keep me on track!
November 21, 2014
I can totally understand your position. Like we were discussing before, all of that boils down to communication.
A man must be willing to communicate to a woman what he needs, wants and expects and she must be willing to do the same. That’s the only way they can determine if they are properly aligned, can complement one another and are willing and capable of giving one another what they need, want and expect.
It’s when we skip that step that things become complicated.
Real talk, I think you totally answered you own question. Most men I know are likely to say that they are willing to have those discussions with the right woman. lol
You know I’m different. I don’t waste anytime. I ask women the deep questions from the jump. LOL!
You are amazing Autumn!!! You know we love you!
November 20, 2014
Great show as usual. I too am the type of woman who feels “we can build this empire together” but I’ve also learned that men need to feel established and like Jay said have a foundation.
“You will have a piece of a man until that man has peace with himself”-J. Patrick. Can someone put that on a billboard please? That’s real talk right there. My sister was just broken up with so that her man could focus on himself and his career. They are only mid 20s. I let her know he did her a favor and maybe they will reconnect in the future but kudos to that brother for honesty.
Like you Jay, J. Patrick is a breath of fresh air! Another brother in Christ doing his thing. I wish him much success.
November 20, 2014
I am so glad that you enjoyed the show Ariel. Thank you so much for listening.
You’re right about a man needing to have already accomplished certain things before wanting to take things to a certain level. That’s real.
YES!!! That statement by J. Patrick was TRUTH!!!
That type of honesty is so necessary. If we don’t realize within ourselves that we aren’t complete, we need to refrain asking someone else to join us on the journey. Some journey’s in life are meant to be traveled alone.
Oh yeah! J. Patrick is a good dude. It was an honor and a pleasure to have him as a guest on the podcast. I look forward to speaking with him again.
Thank you for the kind words and continued support. It is very much appreciated!
November 20, 2014
This is a great discussion! I disagree with someone being “miserable”
or “unhappy” as a reason to refrain from being in a relationship.
Sometimes people need someone else to help to shape them into who they
need to be. I know of people who are living happy and fulfilled lives
and they are single. Great commentary though. . I’ve learned to be
fulfilled in my singleness and see it as a blessing.
November 21, 2014
Hey Ms. Careology! Thank you so much for swinging by to listen to the podcast and taking an extra step by leaving a comment sharing your thoughts and perspective. I appreciate that more than you know!
I am so glad that you enjoyed the discussion!
You make a great point. There are some people who need others to help shape and mold them. I think it’s when a person starts depending on other people where the problem arises. Support is great, but we should avoid codependency.
Yes!!! You are so right about there being many people who are living happy and fulfilled single lives. That’s what it’s all about. That should be something, in my personal opinion, that we all should be aspiring for.
I know that’s right. Continue to be fulfilled in your singleness, love yourself and enjoy life to the fullest!
God bless you and thank you so much for taking the time to share your takeaways from the podcast.
Also, I shout out people who leave comments here on the website. So you can expect to hear your name shouted out on an upcoming show.
I hope you’ll swing by more often. I look forward to interacting with you more.
Stay Blessed!
November 22, 2014
Ms Careology, welcome to the community. You have joined at a great time! Jay and his guests do an amazing job delivering much needed guidance, confirmations, and education on lots of topics. The beautiful part is there are many different perspectives presented on the shows so we get to think outside the box. Once again, welcome and I hope to see more of your postings.
November 23, 2014
You are far too kind Ariel. Thank you so much for welcoming Ms. Careology.
I am hoping that she enjoys the content, benefits from it and will be swinging by more often to share her thoughts and perspectives with us too.