264: What Is True Intimacy? (Part 1)


What Is True Intimacy? (Part 1) with Chris RichardsonIn this episode, Jay is joined by author Chris Richardson to address the question: Why is sex often confused with intimacy?




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Episode Title: What Is True Intimacy? (Part 1)


Guest: Chris Richardson Follow Him on Twitter


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  • “Intimacy is not always a physical exchange.” – Chris Richardson


  • “Avoid the temptation by getting out of the situation.” – Chris Richardson


Questions We Address and Answer:

  • Why is sex often confused with intimacy?
  • Do men and women have different perspectives on what intimacy is?


Key Lessons and Takeaways:

  • The difference between the way men and women perceive intimacy.
  • How men can use sex to control women.
  • The danger in ignoring the spiritual aspect of intimacy.
  • Mistaking intimacy for infatuation.



  • Chris explains why he believes women should not approach men.
  • Chris shares four pillars of intimacy.



  • Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41 (NKJV)


  • Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.John 15:4 (NKJV)


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  • Autumn
    December 24, 2015

    This one was . . . interesting. I so appreciate you both speaking your truths. When Chris led off with saying a woman approaching a man was like a woman approaching a lion . . . I did feel he was doing a disservice to men. Then he later says you can’t really judge all men. Well, which is it? I ask because as a young woman I certainly saw all men as lions but that wasn’t really fair. Now I realize they are human like anyone else. We socialize men to get away with being more overt than women. But women often have similar instincts we are just taught not to be as upfront about it.

    I have another question: if you never get married, does that mean you can’t ever pray with a member of the opposite sex? I don’t have an opinion, just never thought about it before. Not everyone will get married, though. I hope you can still be intimate with people (not meaning physically intimate) even if you never enter into a marriage.

    I like what Jay said about having an open friendship where someone can correct you. Now, I wouldn’t use the word ‘correct’. That rings bells for me. But recently I had a friend who was just real with me. I didn’t like her advice. Did. Not. But I talked to God about it and honestly, she was right even though I didn’t like it. I won’t say she ‘corrected’ me, but I trusted her enough to listen to her honest advice.

    Off to the next part!

    • Jay
      December 24, 2015

      Thank you for listening, sharing your thoughts and asking such though provoking questions Autumn!

      I will ask Chris to address your questions and hopefully he will be willing to provide you with answers.

      If you’re interested in my perspective, here are my thoughts:

      Personally, I do not have an issue with a women approaching me…but here is the key…with the right motives and intentions.

      If a woman approaches me because she would like to ask me a question, have a thought provoking discussion or genuinely get to know me, I welcome that.

      A woman approaching me is a turn off if she is aggressive, disrespectful and/or has sordid intentions.

      In regards to praying with someone of the opposite sex, I do not see an issue with that, if a person’s intentions are pure.

      Similar to what Chris stated, if a man is ‘praying’ with a women in an attempt to ‘prey’ on her that is something that I do not condone or agree with.

      If a man and woman have a genuine friendship or relationship, I do not think there is anything wrong with them praying for or with one another. The caveat to that is that doing so can lead people into new pillars of intimacy, as Chris shared.

      For example, a man and woman may have had an intellectual intimacy, but once they begin regularly praying together they begin to develop an emotional and spiritual intimacy with one another. If these two people have no desire to be in a committed relationship with one another, it can possibly cause issues to arise.

      If a woman becomes emotionally intimate with a man, as a result of praying with him, she may begin to desire more than a friendship. I can actually attest to this because I’ve experienced this personally. Through my experience, I’ve learned to be very mindful of praying with certain women because their is a level of intimacy in the act of prayer that many people are unaware of.

      Therefore, I agree with Chris that we as men and women should be careful about who we pray with…not for the sake of praying, but because of the level of intimacy that can be experienced through praying with another person.

      Ultimately, I believe that it is imperative for us to have pure motives. Our motives can be a guideline when it comes to deciding what things we can do with certain people and what things we are better of not doing with certain people.

      Thank you again Autumn and I hope you enjoy part 2!

      • Autumn
        December 26, 2015

        Merry after-Christmas, Jay! Chris did answer my questions below. I guess I just wish men and women didn’t have to be so suspicious of one another’s motives. If we should all behave as brothers and sisters, it’s like always being on guard that your brother or sister will change their feelings for you. And if they did, why wouldn’t they just tell you? It does happen as you’ve said, but is it so terrible that a person cares for you? It’s awkward to be sure, I’ve been on that end of trying to let someone down gently. But ultimately I can only hope and pray the person doesn’t mean you any real harm.

        I can’t imagine letting anyone into my spiritual life as I’m just developing my daily practice. Unless it was some senior advisor or something. Honestly, I tend to stick to women for advice so I’d probably start praying with women first. Most men I date, heck, most men I *know* don’t seem to have a real practice of a spiritual life and that’s across a wide range of religions too. It’s kind of sad the dearth of spiritual life many people have. And if they do, they spend it mostly alone. It’s really sad but the way of our world right now, I suppose.

        That’s right! Christmas interrupted part 2! Thanks, Jay!

        • Jay
          December 27, 2015

          I really appreciate Chris answering your questions.

          Thank you for your continued support and I pray that you and your loved ones are enjoying the holiday season!

    • Chris Richardson Author
      December 24, 2015

      Dear Autumn, I want to first thank you for your compliment and your question. Let me say this, my comment refers to a male as a male. So, whether that’s a lion or a man, we have similar features, behaviors and instincts (thought patterns) that make us alike, but set us apart from the female sex. This is not to blast the male sex. I too am a man.

      As for prayer…prayer is sacred and not to be opened with the wrong person(s), especially with the opposite sex. Scripture tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

      To Jay’s comment, “you wouldn’t let a stranger walk through your home.” Likewike, letting a man in your spiritual space too soon can be a major issue.

      I hope I answered your questions?

      • Autumn
        December 26, 2015

        You’re welcome and thanks for your reply so quickly. Especially around the holidays! Your response reminded me of a nature show I watched with a man who actually worked with real lions. He could stand off a full grown lion with certain tones and actions. I think the lion knew he was male. And the man was guarding his territory without fear and the lion, who was merely annoyed, understood that. Now, not every lion expert could do this, but I get on some level we are mammals and we recognize those basic instincts. I don’t think about that very much in our very modern world today, but it can’t be discounted.

        No, I wouldn’t just let a stranger into my intimate life. I don’t even invite good friends to ashram where I practice yoga and meditation, because that is sacred space to me. I told a man I was dating I’d invite him to meet my family before I’d invite him to yoga. He didn’t ever get invited to either, but the comment helped him to realize how special and private my spiritual practice is to me.

        I just thought you meant ‘never’. As a woman who may not get married but is increasingly pursuing her spirituality I hope to find others to share spiritually with. But no, with just anyone off the street.

        I tell you, I need to spend more time at yoga. There we truly are brothers and sisters and there is peace in our interactions. We also spend muchtime in meditation which helps focus our thoughts. While there I think about non-violence, fairness, peace. It’s just so different than the outside world.

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