Have you been dating people who just aren’t ‘right’ for you?
If so, you’re not alone.
Meeting the right person can be challenging.
Yet, it’s a challenge that you can overcome with the right keys.
The two keys that will help you meet the right person are:
Dating Standards and Instincts
When you have these two keys and apply them, you’ll find that your dating experiences will begin to change for the better.
If you’d like to learn how these two keys can assist you in meeting the right person, you must listen to this podcast episode, ‘The Keys to Meeting the Right Person are Dating Standards and Instincts’:
If you enjoyed this podcast, click to tweet and share it with others!
SHOW NOTES
Episode Title: The Keys to Meeting the Right Person are Dating Standards and Instincts
Guest: Jessica – Follow her on Twitter * Mr. CEO
Music: Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea – Problem * Keke Palmer ft. B.o.B. – Ride This Beat
Quotable:
“He’s sexy, but he don’t like to work…That’s a deal breaker for me!” – Jessica
“I don’t want the trust and the sex and my relationship with God to be at the 6 foot deep level and the person I’m with is still playing in shallow water.” – CEO
“Never allow your emotions to override your instincts.” – CEO
Key Takeaways & Lessons:
- Dating standards can protect you from being taken advantage of physically, mentally, emotionally and financially
- Safety precautions are a MUST for all daters, especially single parents
- Reasons you should never ignore your instincts
- How dating standards differ from ‘The List’
- The importance of taking time to reflect on yourself after dating or attracting someone without standards
- How to advise a friend or family member who may not have good dating standards
- How to avoid manipulation and other toxicity on the dating scene
Experience is the Best Teacher:
- CEO explains why single mother’s who are quick to drop their kids off to go on a date are a red flag to him and other men
- Jessica shares her personal ‘Deal Breakers and Desires’
- Find out what the three non-negotiable standards are that Jessica believes both men and women should have
- CEO shares why a person can’t be self-confident and lack dating standards
Hold Yourself Accountable:
- You receive what you allow.
- You must place your love for yourself above your desire for companionship.
- Having the correct priorities, which is the first step towards a healthy long-lasting relationship, is completely your responsibility.
Apply the Principles:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(ESV)
Take Action Now:
- Acknowledge that setting priorities is your responsibility.
- Make your top and #1 priority loving yourself.
- Determine what you deserve, expect, need and desire from a partner.
- Develop a list of standards that you will hold yourself and potential partners accountable to.
- Once you meet someone you are interested in dating COMMUNICATE your standards to them clearly and verbally.
Call to Action:
- Leave a comment below sharing at least 3 of your dating standards or share an experience when your instincts helped you from dating or remaining with the wrong person.
*Please use the contact form if you don’t feel comfortable leaving a comment below and sharing your answers publicly.*
May 17, 2014
This topic was certainly necessary, and the infusion of the male and female perspective not only strengthened my own resolve concerning my standards, but also made me appreciate my family who taught me what that word means. I was recently involved in a situation with a man where the earnest potential never proved itself because our interaction was not high enough on his priority list to even learn what my standards were. Ladies, an automatic deal breaker is a man who will not allow subtle disturbances in his schedule to get acquainted with you. Actions do speak louder than words, and his attaining your phone number should not account for interest alone. By the same token, playing hard to get is not always the best option; so be discerning and selective.
You’ll know how interested he is in the way he addresses you, his frequency in communication with you, the content of not only his character but also his words and deeds, and his commitment to pursuing you as you appropriately respond (modestly) to his interest. Earnestly pray your hearts desire before God, but make listening your primary priority; as He will clearly demonstrate His purpose concerning you. Be open-minded to possibilities, but never compromise your standards; lose your sense of self-awareness and dignity, yield to the temptation to settle, nor allow yourself to become another person for the sake of keeping his attention. The God in you will draw this man nigh, and he’ll appreciate the real you. Know that you are so much better than less than what you deserve! If you don’t understand that last sentence, briefly reflect back on an undesirable situation in which you wasted much time with someone who wasn’t suitable to accommodate the beautiful gem that you are. Settling should never even be an option if you truly trusting God’s will to prove itself.
Also, be patient and understanding with men who don’t exactly equate with your ‘list’. Maybe your purpose wasn’t to be pursued by him per se, but to win him over with your Godly character and be a representation of what he should seek in a future mate. QUIET patience will be your best asset! No nagging to people about still being single, no begging God to send you a man ASAP, and no accepting any persons word over your life regarding being single unless you know God is using them as His messenger. Get to know yourself really well, date yourself, and love it. Singleness is a season, not a lifetime sentence. Death and life are in the power of the tongue; so be ever mindful of what you confess.
Gentlemen, yield to that Godly woman’s character. So what if she won’t let you touch her or come over her house…she’s not supposed to! YOU set the tone for the relationship. Revealing your standards makes her decision to trust you even easier. Reciprocate what you expect to receive. Be a blessing to her and demonstrate that cultivating your relationship as you both seek God’s will is most important. To everything there is a season….seek God about the season you are in and find joy in whatever His will is for you being in it. Seasons change, but you must prepare for them. Stay true, and remain faithful…great things are just ahead!
May 18, 2014
WOW Julia!!!
This is such AMAZING sound insight!!!
Thank you so much for taking the time out to share this with the ladies and the fellas.
I cosign everything that you stated.
I will be letting the other R.E.A.L. Lovers know about this comment so that the discussion can continue.
Thank you again Julia!
May 22, 2014
Hello Jay,
Thanks for providing the outlet for R.E.A.L. Lovers to express our thoughts. Your podcast have been a tremendous asset, and I encourage you to continue to promote such relevant and healthy topics that incite us to seriously consider our thoughts and actions towards generating healthy, relationships that will last. May God continue to enrich you and use you greatly!
Peace,
Julia
May 22, 2014
To God goes all the glory Julia! I can say that without God Right to R.E.A.L. Love would not exist.
I am so thankful and grateful that He chose me for this journey and I’m so excited about how it’s having such a positive impact on the lives of many.
God truly is AWESOME!
Thank you again for taking the initiative to start this discussion and bring R.E.A.L. Lovers together Julia!
May 21, 2014
Yeah Julia I agree with Jay, you hit it out the park with that one!
May 21, 2014
Hey James! Thank you so much for taking the time out to join Julia’s discussion. I truly appreciate that!
May 22, 2014
Greetings James,
I greatly appreciate you reading my post. Would you mind sharing with the R.E.A.L. Lover community a standard or non-negotiable that you refuse to swerve on? Your insight as a man could certainly prove helpful for women who may be entertaining a member of the opposite sex (or considering someone at this time) and may have reservations. Thanks!
Blessings,
Julia
May 22, 2014
Hey Julia,
Its funny because if you were to as me this question when I was 24 yrs old, I would have told you I don’t have a standard.
I had just broken up with my college girlfriend and was back on the “dating scene.” I met this young lady and started to date her. Now because I didn’t have any “standards” back then, I went through it. Among other things, I was trying to change myself to appease her, and it got to the point where I didn’t know who I was anymore. As Mr CEO said in the podcast, as you evolve as a person, your standards do as well. I found out that their were things that I just couldn’t tolerate. After that relationship I can say that yes, I developed standards.
As a 30 yr old, I would say that communication is a very important to me. Like you said, a guy will make time for you if he wants to make time for you. At the same time a woman has to make herself available as well. I made this very apparent in my current relationship from the beginning. To me, communication is important to establish that foundation. Thinking back to my last relationship, the communication was never there, like it was never established in the beginning. Also, something Jessica said, trust. I think thats self explanatory. If you can’t trust that person, then you shouldn’t even be with them. Those are the 2 most important standards that I have, communication and trust.
Oh in your comment you said how its important for guys to yield to a Godly woman. I think thats important as well, and quite honestly something that I took for granted when I was younger. I realized as I evolved as a person, that this is something that I want in a mate. So for any women out there, keep to your standards and the right guy will eventually come along.
May 22, 2014
Wow James! This is an OUTSTANDING follow up comment. You broke it down bro!
Also, I agree with you wholeheartedly. There is no reason why the ladies should compromise their standards. If they stick to them, God will bring the right man across their path at the right time.
Thank you so much for letting the women know that!
May 23, 2014
James,
Thanks for your transparency! My understanding of how relationships should work has defintely evolved over time; so I am glad you made that reference as you should not be the same person you were 10 years ago. Maturity and progress are two qualities Godly women greatly admire in men. Your perspective is invaluable, and I wish you much success in your relationship. Be sure to drop this knowledge on those who are were you were a decade or so ago because it could spare them a lot of embarassment, and frustration if they know what’s acceptable and commendable in a relationship.
Peace,
Julia
May 17, 2014
WOW Julia!!!
This is such AMAZING sound insight!!!
Thank you so much for taking the time out to share this with the ladies and the fellas.
I cosign everything that you stated.
I will be letting the other R.E.A.L. Lovers know about this comment so that the discussion can continue.
Thank you again Julia!
May 22, 2014
Julia thank you sooo much for writing this comment! Your words confirmed so much that I’ve experienced in my past relationships. And as you stated above I’m going to embrace my singleness, for it is only for a season. I know God is still working on me and while I’m single, I’ll be working on building a stronger relationship with Christ. And when the Lord knows I’m ready to be in a courtship with a man of God, it will happen.
May 22, 2014
That’s amazing Destiney! I am so thankful and grateful to God that you were able to take something so encouraging away from Julia’s comment. That is truly a blessing.
Thank you for joining the discussion too! It means a lot to me.
May 22, 2014
Hello Destiney!
I am grateful that something that I said spoke to you, and that you’ve been enlightened about your past. It is quite difficult to move forward towards greater if you don’t have an understanding of were you have been. Glad that you see the beauty in embracing singleness as it is not that easy of a task, but so vital to every individual prior to moving towards a more intimate and permanent level of involvement should that be God’s will. Keep maintaining your standards high, and give thanks for your progress and the transition you are making as God prepares you for that next relationship.
Blessings,
Julia
May 22, 2014
Hey Giovanni! Thank you for supporting Julia and joining her discussion. I’m so glad that you enjoyed her insight!
May 22, 2014
Hi Giovanni!
Wasn’t this podcast a blessing? Standards are such a vital element to any relationship, and it is sad in today’s society that they aren’t prioritized and valued highly. The discussion illuminated things for me a great deal, and I really do have a more defined outlook as I continue to navigate through my single season. Thanks for taking the time to read my discussion, and I hope you share it with your friends.
Blessings,
Julia
May 22, 2014
You make a great point Autumn!
I think it can be extremely challenging to discern between when you’re getting ‘bad vybes’ and when you should be patient and take time to get to know someone.
I can’t lie, that’s something I would seek God regarding if I found myself in that position. If I couldn’t trust my own instincts and know for certain that I should just cut loose, I would seek God and ask Him to provide me with clarity and guidance as to what I should do.
I agree that a person who is willing and able to meet your standards (after you’ve verbally communicated your standards to them – of course) will do just that. There won’t be an adjustment period because they were listening when you shared your standards with them and they respect you enough to abide by them.
You gave me something to think about. Similar to you, I’ve wanted women to be at my standard level and I haven’t given them many opportunities to ‘work’ to getting to that level. I still feel this way if the standards is something I highly value. If it’s something that’s not a ‘deal breaker’ then I may be more willing to see if they are willing and able to ‘work’ to get to the level I’d like them to be at. At the same time, I must be willing to do the same if I’m not meeting a particular standard of theirs too.
Thank you Autumn for such a thought provoking comment. I really appreciate it. Also, thank you for joining Julia’s discussion! It’s great to know that we are truly supporting one another in the R.E.A.L. Lover community!
I thank God and give Him all the glory for that!!!
May 22, 2014
Julia, I enjoyed that insight that you provided and continue to share. It was very true that if a person does not make time for you that you are not a priority. If you are not a priority at the start, it is questionable if you will ever be. Thanks again for opening up the discussion.
May 22, 2014
Hey Destiny! Thank you so much for joining Julia’s discussion and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you embracing and being a part of the R.E.A.L. Lover community too!
May 23, 2014
Hi Destiny,
Thank you for considering my discussion. It is comforting to know that you agree that a man’s interest in you should be prioritized. However, I do believe we [women] have to not only set and maintain our standards, but be approachable and understanding with men. I’ve had a few male colleagues and girlfriends bring this to my attention quite repeatedly over the last 3-4 weeks; so I share this with you and other R.E.A.L. Love ladies to be conscious of your body language as you continue stick to your instincts and maintain those standards. Wishing you God’s best!
Many blessings,
Julia
May 23, 2014
Hey Autumn,
Glad you shared this. I can personally say that I spent the early part of my twenties wrestling with my instincts, and paid the cost for it at times. Through diligent pursuit in God’s word, I did discover my worth and purpose; as well, how to trust my core. I’m sooooooo grateful for the process that led to major changes in my level of understanding and maturity concerning relationships.
It is great that you are in tune with your instincts as they can truly be your saving grace. Also, I love that you mentioned your willingness to wait until you received what you deserve, and that you are content with yourself until that time comes. That is certainly a goal worth striving towards. Wishing you God’s best!
Julia,
June 6, 2014
This is a great topic. We must date with our self esteems intact. There was a time that I was that “Ooh he’s interested in me” girl and I would kick into overdrive, changing like a chameleon to fit whatever agenda he had, even if it meant putting my self last in some crazy situations. I even stayed in an 8 yr on again off again “situation” well past it’s expiration date. It was not until I told God I was ready for my want to line up with His will that I was able to step back and see things for what they were. I too am on a journey of self love and the closer I get to The Most High God the higher my standards get. It’s been 7 months and it feels good to embrace my “singleness” or as Jay’s podcast Single Is The New Freedom said my ” wholeness and uniqueness”. I did not stumble upon Right to R.E.A.L Love by happenstance. It feels good to be able to share and interact with like minded brothers and sisters.
June 6, 2014
Hey Ariel! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
I am so glad that God introduced to this community and I’m really looking forward to interacting with you.
It’s a blessing that God brought you through those experiences and now you are walking according to His will and purpose for your life. That is truly what it’s all about!
Thank you again for listening to the podcast and providing your perspective on the topic.
God bless you!