255: Men, Virginity and Sexual Purity (Part 1)


Men, Virginity and Sexual Purity (Part 1) with Derrick CuffieIn this episode of the MenChat series, Jay is joined by Derrick Cuffie to address the question: What affect can pornography have on men?




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Episode Title: Men, Virginity and Sexual Purity (Part 1)


Guest: Derrick Cuffie Follow Him on Instagram


Check out Derrick’s Facebook Group, No Single Left Behind



  • “Transparency brings breakthrough.” – Derrick Cuffie


Question We Address and Answer:

  • What affect can pornography have on men?


Key Lessons and Takeaways:

  • The role fear can play in a man’s decision to remain a virgin.
  • The reason children must be taught why God wants them to wait until marriage to have sex.
  • The lure that pornography has on men.
  • Why we must make a conscious decision to begin living our lives in accordance to God’s Word.
  • The importance of seeking God to remove any guilty, shame or doubt that we may have.



  • Derrick opens up about what it is like to be a 32-year old virgin.
  • Derrick admits that he struggled with pornography and masturbation to maintain his virginity.
  • Jay shares how he initially learned about sex from his peers.



  • Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)


  • But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord.”1 Corinthians 7:32 (NKJV)


  • Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”2 Corinthians 5:17 (NKJV)


  • No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.1 Corinthians 10:13 (NKJV)


  •  Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30 (NKJV)


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  • Miss Reese
    December 13, 2015

    Blessings Jay, 1) Thanks for the shout out in this podcast. Is it weird I was geeked about it? Lol. 2) I really appreciate you and Derrick’s transparency within this podcast. The flip side of this is that the conversation is almost nonexistent regarding women and pornography. If you look at the statistics, you’ll see that there are an alarming amount of Christians who watch pornography. Well then, women are obviously within that number of Christians who watch pornography, no? I like that you are speaking on the subject with honesty and tact. In no way are you condoning or excusing the behaviors, but expressing your reasoning for engaging in it in your youth. I’m sure there will be follow up podcasts that will touch on strategies for overcoming. 3)I COMPLETELY agree with your point about teaching children the reasons why they should wait until marriage for sex. At first I remained at virgin because I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. Then the thoughts evolved into my not wanting to be a young mother. Now I understand that sexuality is great….but it’s meant to be expressed within the realms of marriage. If you keep giving pieces of yourself to others (which is what happens when one has sex), then what’s left for your spouse? When I teach teens, they usually come to me saying they love the person and they think they want to marry them so sex is just an expression of that love and commitment. I tell them flat out that the expression of commitment ought come AFTER one is married, not before. If we can educate them openly and honestly as you and Derrick are doing here, perhaps we can reach them (and by them I mean youth AND adults who are giving themselves away to lustful passions).

    • Jay
      December 14, 2015

      Hey Miss Reese!

      You are very welcome. It’s a pleasure to shout you out. I appreciate your support so much and it’s so cool that you were geeked! LOL! Thank you!

      I believe transparency is very important and I thank God that Derrick was very transparent and willing to share his experiences too.

      I have honestly never discussed pornography from a woman’s perspective. It will be interesting to learn how women think and respond to it.

      If you’re interested, there is a past discussion focused on the struggles many of us face with pornography, erotica and sex addiction. There were practical steps for overcoming it shared.

      Here is the link: http://righttoreallove.com/struggles-with-porn/

      You’re right about us needing to limit the amount of ourselves that we give to others, especially sexually. We must first and foremost honor God with our bodies.

      Education is the key. I truly believe that. Children and adults both need to be taught the truth regarding sexuality, based on God’s Word and original purpose for sex.

      Thank you again for listening and being willing to share your thoughts too. It means more to me than you know.

      God bless you!

  • Dee
    March 16, 2016

    Hey Jay! My friend from church told me about your podcast and I just started listening today. Interestingly, I decided to listen to this podcast hoping to get insight about how Christian men approach virginity and sexual purity in general. As a woman with no male friends, I felt like it would be good to get a bit of insight and start to gain a little understanding. What I DIDN’T expect was to hear Derrick’s testimony about his struggles and be directly ministered to. A lot of what he has been through (with the exception of the pornography) is pretty much my life. I’m a 27-year-old virgin that has struggled with masturbation and an impure thought life ever since I was 12. I used to think that as long as I wasn’t having sex, I was pleasing God but that definitely wasn’t the case haha. I haven’t watched porn but honestly, my imagination is vivid enough that I don’t need it… It’s that bad. I’m currently fasting YouTube, Hulu and Netflix so I can starve this flesh and get closer to God by spending more time with Him.

    Even though I’m a woman and have different experiences from you guys, I really related to you and Derrick in a lot of ways. This was a great discussion! I will definitely check out the rest of the podcasts and join these Facebook groups!

    • Jay
      March 17, 2016

      Hey Dee!

      Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. Tell your friend from church I said THANK YOU for sharing the love and letting you know about it too.

      WOW! I am so overjoyed to know that God led you to this discussion and it was one you could relate to. I really appreciate your transparency and willingness to share your personal experiences and struggles too.

      I pray that you enjoy the other episodes and discussions you listen to as well. I look forward to you joining the Facebook group and interacting with you more often.

      Don’t be a stranger, it will be a joy to continue to hear your thoughts and takeaways on other discussions as well.

      If you have any topics or questions you’d like to hear addressed on the podcast, feel free to share them with me here or by sending me an email.

      Thank you again for your continued support and may God continue to bless you!

      You can totally expect a shout out on an upcoming episode too.

      Stay Blessed!

      • Dee
        March 21, 2016

        Hey Jay thanks for the reply!

        I’ve already listened to a TON of these podcasts and have really enjoyed them so far 🙂 They have been great as I go through this journey of the Holy Spirit renewing my mind about relationships, the opposite sex, and a lot of other things haha.

        I know you and Derrick touched on lust on this particular podcast but I think it would be good to hear a woman’s perspective on lustful thoughts and how she has dealt with it. I still have a bunch of podcasts to listen to so maybe you have already had a discussion with one of your female guests and I just haven’t listened to it yet haha. But I think it is really important for women to know that dealing with lustful thoughts and even pornography is not a “man problem” and that they’re not alone.

        I think that because society tends to labels us as the problem and cause of lust in men, we aren’t usually in the discussion. As a result, we may end up believing that our battle with lust is either:
        1) Not that serious compared to what men may go through
        2) Shameful because we think that we should have a better handle on it because we are women.

        A few years ago, I spoke with a few men at a bible study about lust issues among women and they were surprised to hear that we go through it too and that it could be very tough for us as well.

        What I have gotten from your podcasts is that you tackle some really good topics so I think doing a discussion about lust from a woman’s point of view would be AWESOME! And you are so engaging with the discussions that it would be good to hear your views as well.

        Sorry I kinda wrote a novel haha

        • Jay
          March 24, 2016

          Thank you Dee!!!

          I appreciate you listening, your kind words and you sharing your thoughtful and honest comments.

          Thank you so much for sharing the topic of how women deal with lust issues. That is an AMAZING topic and I am definitely going to add it to the list of future topics. I agree with you that it is a topic that is rarely discussed, but needs to be.

          If you have any other topics or questions, please don’t hesitate to share. Thank you!

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